Chapter 59 To see the reactions of some of my fans who read chapter 58 click here. To see Nsync's new stage click here. The new stage is awesome you have to see it.

October 18, 2002 (Next morning.)

Kim aroused the next morning with about two honest hours asleep adumbrating and clouding her disorganized brain. Her hands bordered to her eyes. They were moist, but it meant nothing now. She was no longer crying, just sniffling invariably. The king size bed was deserted and inhabited, for she was by herself. There was no indication of Justin in the room. However, the bedroom door was open as a welcome to him if he needed it.

She knew that Justin was devastated. He was outright devastated. She had trudged in the hallway in the middle of the night, because she thought she would talk to him. But his piteous cries relinquished the strength she had from her cold veins. She arrogated the covers dim-wittedly from her body. And still he was devastated. She never heard him cry so insensibly. Never.

And the mystery was still undetermined. Who was to blame for the most pain? Both Justin and Kim had hurt each other tremendously. The episode Justin had with Charrah was wrong. So, what punishment did he deserve? Was ending their marriage too much of a correction? Did she really want that anyway? Probably not.

Kim mounted up reducedly. She wiggled her pedicured toes to confirm they were devioded of sensation. She wasn't sure what she was going to do or what she had gotten up for. Her stomach was massive with sickness and the disease of downheartedness. Maybe she needed a cup of coffee...something. Anything light.

She was so curious. Curious about Justin. She challenged how he was doing. She disputed was he still crying? Had he gotten any sleep? She hadn't.

She scratched her side and yawned as she outlet the bedroom. She decamped down the twisted stair case and inserted into the extravagant kitchen. Even if her stomach was in a rocky state, she knew it was important to eat breakfast, and made her a bowl of cereal. She brought the bowl of cereal into the eating room and sat down.

A cup, with a substance steaming from it, caught her attention. She didn't even know he was there. Justin, who was defended with a blanket, was sitting at the end of the table with his head down. Her ears traced an unusual sound coming from him. It could have been his sniffles, but she doubted that. "Justin?" When he raised his head, she shuddered because he looked more horrible than any day she had ever laid eyes on him. It scared her.

"I didn't...mean to do it." He groaned. He was still in a hysteric state. "I'm so sorry." His face was leaking with several forms of raw emotion. "I'M SO SORRY!" He mumbled, putting his head down to continue crying.

She only got a glimpse, but she could tell that his lips were blue. His lips were blue? And then she recognized the sounds of his breathing. His breaths were abnormal and irregular. Something was wrong. "Justin, What's wrong with you? Why in the hell are you lips blue? Jesus Christ! I'm calling 911. DID YOU TAKE SOMETHING, JUSTIN?"

He resurrected his head to respond weakly. "No." His entire face was flittering. "No, I didn't take anything." He generated to his feet and began to wobble near her. "Kim, you can't do this to me." He gasped. "I can't breathe. I...I can't breathe because it hurts so bad. The pain is shooting through me like knives. The pain from what I did to you, and the pain from your words." He knelt down beside her and put his hands on her arms. "You have GOT to believe me. I'm so sorry. I'" He smoothed his head against her thighs. It felt so good and comforting to him.

"Justin, I'm calling 911. You are scaring me. I've never saw your lips blue before."


She boosted from her seat. "You are scaring me." She pronounced with watery eyes. "I'm calling 911, Justin. You need some serious help." She departed from the room and headed to the living room to get the phone.

Justin was right behind her, mournful and ill. "Kim, I don't need 911. DON'T CALL THEM! I just need you to tell me you'll marry me. And that you'll be with me. I want you to marry me. PLEASEEEEEEEE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME! PLEASE, KIM! PLEASE! I'M SO SORRY FOR GOD SAKES! GOD HELP MEEEEE!" He cried. He got down on his knees. "Kim, please. I'm down on my knees." He showed her the ring which never parted his hand. "Please marry me. Please." He whispered as his face drowned in it's own salty solution. "Please." He attempted to whisper, but sound would no longer surrender from his mouth. "Please." He mouth to her.

With a simple yes, things could be turned around. They would make up. And probably go on to get married. Things would get better. That was IF she said yes right then. But Kim had other intentions. She felt sorry for Justin, and was even crying because he was losing it, but she wanted to be difficult. She enjoyed being difficult. In some sick and unhealthy way, she enjoyed making him suffer for what he did to her. This gave her prestige and strength she never had before. "No." She didn't know how she was able to say it so broadly. "I can't marry you, Justin. What you did was not right. I won't tolerate it, and I can't do it."

His gloomy sorrow caused him to stand again. "What?" He asked in a pathetic and poor whisper. She blew him away. It was as if she hit him in the chest with a hammer. Her tone hurting him even more than her straight forward words. He choked back everything at that point. "What?" He creaked. "Please?" He just couldn't give up.

She knocked her tears away by shaking her head. "No." She told him courageously. And she didn't know why she was telling him, if she didn't mean it. She felt he needed to suffer, just a little longer, before she would give in and fix things.

He retardedly walk towards her with his hand influenced out to her. "Please?" He begged, with the ring presented. "Please? Just look at how helpless I am without you. I know I'm freaking out, because I want you so bad. I'm going to ask you one last time." He inhaled as much air as his breathing deformity let him. "My dear Kim. My baby girl. Would you please marry me on November third? Please? I'm going to die without you, Kim." His terrifying whisper made him tremble.

"Oh my God, Justin. Don't come near me. You're scaring me. You need some medical attention as blue as your lips are. You need help." She backed away as he came nearer.

He paused. " won't do it? You won't marry me? No matter what I do or say to make up what I did to you? I'm so sorry." There it was again. The shaking of his lips. The tears. The cracked voice. "Would you please marry me? GOD! PLEASEEEEEEE, KIM! I SHOULD'NT HAVE TO ASK YOU SO MANY TIMES!"


He temporarily stopped. Slowly, his tears drained out of his body. His fear drained out of his body. All of his love for her drained out of his body. His eyes were lost waterfalls. While looking her in the eyes, he tried to take a deep breath. "Okay." He whispered. "I got the message." He put his back to her. "You probably never loved me anyway. Your were probably only with me because you felt sorry for me. Since I'm so pathetic. I knew I was cursed. Nothing good ever happens to me. I lose everything I love...absolutely everything."

To Kim's surprise he just walked away upstairs. This made her wonder what he was doing or where he had gone. She followed him. She heard a sound coming from Jade's room, as soon as she got to the second floor. She placed her ear to the door of the room.

"Daddy will always love you." Justin gave the sleeping Jade a kiss on the cheek, as he rocked her. "Always. No matter what happens." After giving her one last kiss he laid her back down in her crib. He sniffled several times. She was so beautiful and precious. He wish he never had to leave her. He exited the room and brushed right past Kim, with out a word.

She continued to search after him in curiosity. He was in the mirror, putting on a fresh pair of jeans. This caused her to laugh. "Going somewhere are six in the morning? Haha."

His head rotated towards her.

He was known for his small puppy-dog eyes, but they were huge. Huge and round. He looked like her had been on crack for a while or had been spooked by a ghost. They were not only huge in enormity, they were glossy and drooling with tears. This scared her. It scared her to the point of no speech.

He swallowed. "You are laughing at me." He articulated, as if he was shocked. Still looking at her and pulled a plain white t-shirt over his head.

She crossed her arms. "Where are you going, Justin? Seriously?"

"I'm leaving." He made the belt he had on tighter, for a better fit of his jeans. "You don't want to be with me. You don't want to marry me. Why the hell should I stay? I can't stay here. You don't want me. You DON'T want me!"

She frowned. "Well, I said right now. feelings could change by tomorrow." She stuttered.

"If I stay here, I'm going to die. By either killing myself or I'm going to just grab my chest and die, because I know that I can't have you. I have no use being here. Not even for Jade." He egresses into the large closet and hung random pairs of jeans over his arms. He purposely skipped the pair of jeans which had the Mona Lisa on the knees. He didn't even get to wear them.

"You, can't be serious." She laughed. "Yeah, right. You are really leaving, Justin. Suuuuure you are." She said sarcastically. "Hahaha. You aren't going anywhere. Especially not with blue lips."

He gather a few shirts and a pair of his favorite sneakers, along with some other items. His cell phone ect... "You made me care, Kim. You made me care about everything I had. Now I don't care anymore." He took his keys in his hands and left the bedroom.

"Justin, you aren't going anywhere. I mean, what are you doing? Like walking out on me or something? You need some rest or something. You starting to act real stupid. Are you doing this for attention maybe? You really believe that I believe you call yourself leaving?" She ushered him to the front doors. She had to admit. He had her nervous.

Before he left the house, he revolved around to give her a message. "You broke my heart, Kim." He whispered while gasping for air. "You broke my heart." He opened the door and carried himself from what felt like a nightmare.

Kim stared blankly at the door, as she heard his car crank up and leave. Sure she could have went after him, but he was so cold and hurt that she just couldn't. Sure she had broken his heart, but now hers was broken even more. The sad thing was SHE had broken her own her more than Justin did. The whole situation didn't seem real.

October 20, 2002 Two days later (That night.)

"Kim. Why don't you sit down, girl? You've been pacing for so long your legs are going to fall off." Calia, who was the only member at the house besides Kim, was holding Jade, who was sleeping on her shoulder.

"I can't believe this. It has been two days. NO word from him! I've called everyone, even his mother. No one knows where he is. And I just asked about him, you know? I didn't tell them that he was like gone. I don't want to worry them, and make it a big deal. I guess thats because I have hope that he'll come back at any minute. But he wants no contact with me. He won't answer my calls. My messages. I'm SO worried about him. And I miss him. I should have just told him that I would marry him. I should have stopped playing games with him. Acting as if I didn't want him, when I did. I guess, I never thought he would just get up and leave. Oh, God. I should have put an end to this madness. I shouldn't have let him go. You should have seen him, Cal. He was on his knees crying to me. His lips were all blue and purple. All he wanted was for me to say yes, and I was a total bitch and I just acted as if he was nothing. And before he left he turned to me, looked me in my eyes and said that I broke his heart. Do you have any idea how much that broke mine? I never saw such sadness in him before. OH MY GOD!"

Calia shook her head. "Kim, it's going to be okay. He'll come back. I know he will, honey."

"CALIA! HE'S BEEN GONE FOR TWO DAYS! HE COULD HAVE KILLED HIMSELF OR SOMETHING! I WOULD NEVER KNOW!" She cried uncontrollably as she paced. "I didn't think he would leave. Lynn told me that she was upset with him and hung up on him several times, he told me this, but I didn't believe him. He has to be so broken. His mother is not talking to him and he loves her so much. And then I blew him off. I can't imagine how he must feel." She sat down on the edge of the couch and cried. "Oh my God. My, baby. I AM SO WORRIED! He could have done anything to himself. Anything. He could be passed out. He was breathing all weird."

"Oh my God, Kim. I'm so sorry. You are going to stress yourself so much over this. I know you are sick with grief, but You have to be strong."

"STRONG? We keep hurting each other back and fourth. I could have stopped it by saying one simple word. Now I hurt him so bad it drove him insane and made him leave."

"He could be okay though." Calia said hesitantly.

Kim stood and pointed to the door. "HE IS OUT THERE FEELING AS IF NO ON WANTS HIM! AND THAT NO ONE LOVES HIM! HOW IN THE HELL COULD HE BE OKAY? HE HAS NEVER BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG WITHOUT CONTACTING SOMEONE! IF HE'S NOT BACK IN A FEW HOURS, I'M CALLING THE POLICE! I WANT HIM BACK HERE! I WANT TO KNOW HE'S SAFE! AND I WANT HIM TO KNOW HE'S LOVED! AND I'M GOING TO MARRY HIM! I AM!" She shouted as tears singed down her face. She had been crying so long her face was raw because it had been eaten by the salt in her tears. It burned her to cry.

Calia remained silent. She couldn't think of anything else to say.

Kim grab the phone from the receiver and thought she would call Justin. And give it another try to get in touch with him. It took one button to dial the number. The phone rang three times.


Hearing his voice caused her heart to stop, and her mind to go blank. She never thought she would hear his voice.

"Hello? Miiiiiiike? This some kind of joke? Man, you said you was going to call at ten!"

"Uh, no, Justin. It's me." She gazed from side to side with her eyes, and listened for any response from him, but there was none. She sighed and wiped her eyes. "Look, Justin. We need to talk. If you could just...if you would just meet me at the coffee shop at nine tomorrow morning that would be great. I have some things I want to tell you. Please be there."

He lingered for a few seconds and then hung up the phone.

When she heard the phone seize in her ear she began to quiver and brought her hands to her face. "Oh, my God." She wheezed. "I think he hates me."

Calia stood with the baby in her arms. "Look, Kim. I'll stay the night if you need me to. What in the world did he say to you?"

He said nothing. That is what hurt her most.


October 21, 2002, Coffee shop 9 am.

Kim didn't know what, but her instincts were telling her that Justin would be at the coffee shop. She plowed through the door of the small restaurant and...there he was...sitting at the usual table. Seeing him brought tears to her eyes.

"Well, you look good." She sat her bag down on the table and had a seat herself. He was wearing a new outfit, and his hair was in a fresh set of new corn rolls.

He shrugged because of the compliment.

"You look good as new."

He slid a cup towards her, and his eyes refused to make eye contact at all. "On me. Your favorite. Chocolate coffee with extra extra crème."

"Aw. Thanks. You didn't have to do this. Thanks for meeting me here as well. Calia is watching Jade, just in case you were wondering."

He grasped a deep breath. "You don't love me." He blurted, arching his eyebrows and viewing his hands. "You don't love me."

Her heart was trying to reach out to him. "Justin, I do. I really do. Thats what I came to tell..."

He cut her off. "No." His eyes met with hers. "You DON'T! Because if you did, you wouldn't have did what you did to me." He licked his lips. "I know what I did with Charrah was not acceptable. I know that. And I could see if you didn't want anything to do with me for a few days. You didn't want me to touch you or kiss you. Even if you wanted to do what I did with someone else. I don't know. I know that I hurt you and made you lose trust in me. And this is all because of my actions. I'm so sorry. I was being a guy. A stupid, stupid, guy and messed up. I'm only human, I make mistakes. And I'm pretty good, when it comes to certain situations. While I'm on tour I never go clubbing with the guys. I stay in my hotel room to talk to you. Kim, we had so much together, and has been through so much. I've known you for a year and a half. Thats not that long technically. But we have had so many deranged battles that it seems longer. And you looked me in my eyes...and told me." His voice weakened a notch. "And told me that you would not marry me." He bit his knuckles. "And told me that you would NOT marry me!" He repeated. The knot in his throat slurred his words. He was becoming emotional again. "And I begged. And begged. And begged you to give me a second chance, but you couldn't find it in your heart to do that." His lips started to quiver. "What you said...destroyed me, Kim." He exhaled loudly and played harder with his hands to prevent crying. " You were a part of me, Kim. And that part of me has died. My heart is so broken, that I have non left. I...I couldn't breathe I was so much agony. I went to the hospital to find out I had a panic attack and an anxiety attack. I told you that without you I couldn't function. Right now I'm not functioning, but I'll have to deal with it for now." He removed the tears that has escaladed down his cheeks and he sniffled trying to hide his sorrow. "I just don't understand that after so much, why now? What are you doing this now? WHY?" He slammed his fist on the table and tried to inhale some of his sadness. "WHY? Thats all I want to know. Why did you do this to me, Kim? Why..." He trailed off, and laughed through his tears. "Why is the question to everything. Why did you do this to me, Kim? I never thought I'd hurt so bad. I wish I was dead." His voice broke. "I just wish I would die, so I won't have to suffer the pain that lives in me right now." His hand were shaking so bad that he had to fold them to stop them from knocking against the table.

"Justin, I."

He raised his hand. "Please don't talk. Let me just tell you what I have to say. I have to get it out." His voice cracked and he began choking on his emotion. "When you told me you wouldn't marry me for about the hundredth time, I realized I had to do something with myself. But I don't know what I'm going to do. This all happened too fast and to be honest it didn't sink in." He wiped under his eyes. "I thought you understood. You would think of all the things I've told you about the wedding, and how much it meant to me, you would have some sort of sympathy. I've told you numerous times how special and important it is to my life. I wanted nothing more than for you to be my wife. I would give up everything I have, just to have your hand in marriage. My main goal in life was to marry you. It took me a while to realize that I am always getting onto people for not having confidence, and I didn't really have any. Until I met you. And by being with you I felt better about myself. I don't know why, but I thought by marrying you I'd have even more confidence. And you ruined that, Kim. You ruined it." He wiped his pained and squinted eyes. "You ruined it buy not marrying me. I'm ruined. I am nothing. I feel like a child. I am no longer a man. I am at the saddest level in my life and it will probably kill me. Hopefully, you will find a guy that you can love, and one that you think is at least cute. I wish you the best, Kim."

Her eyes were bewildered. "Wait, Justin. What are you saying?"

"You don't want me anymore. You told me that you don't want a relationship with me. That you will not marry me. I told you that the one thing you could do to me to make me leave you would be to cheat on me or to jump out of the marriage at the last minute. Well, after today. I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want to be around you. I don't want to look at your face. I want NOTHING to do with you!" He shook his head as he cried. "Please stay away from me." He bit down on his trembling lip. "Please stay away from me, Kim." He lost his voice and had to breath out of his mouth several times to gain it back. "I don't want to constantly to be reminded of what I lost." He let a cry escape his lips, which were disastered with pain. "I remember when you saw me a Britney, that day. And you were leaving, and you gave me your ring back. And you told me that you would not marry, and that I was a loser." He smiled and nodded as his eyes diminished with tears. "It's true. And don't worry, I'm not mad at you, because I did all of this to myself. But it's true. I am a loser. I'm the loser that lost you." His head gradually revoked. For the fist time since the downcasting get together, they made eye contact.

Kim was terrified. All of the color and pigment in her face submerged. She was so horrified that she didn't know what to say. And he was basically ending it with her. It was a time when she should have been throwing her love at him, letting him know that she still loved him. But she couldn't do it. Her body ruptured and stiffened. And she would have never thought that he would be completely discontinuing their relationship. She surly had said the things he mentioned, but she was angry. People said anything when they were mad. She was still mad. She had the right to be, considering what happened, but she wanted to be with him. She wanted to marry him. Two abundant tears strayed and evolved down her pale face. And she remained speechless from shock.

Justin unfolded his hands and examined the hand in which his wedding ring was resting. He used a finger to gently caress the glorious diamond ring. He began to yank on it, trying to elect it from his finger. It had been on his finger for so long that it had become a part of him. I had riveted to his flesh. He jerked harder on the ring, until it broke from him. It broke just like his heart had broke, and he could feel his bond with Kim drift away. He transposed it to the table and streamed it over to her, in one shove. he not only gave her in ring back, he gave her his heart back. "There is your ring, Kim." Tears produced copiously down his face. "It's over." It hurt and tarnished him to say the words so bad, that he had to close his eyes and mesmerized them closed. Still he insisted speaking with his shaken voice. "I called Polina already. I told her to cancel the wedding. And when I did, she cried." He cried freely. "You don't have to marry me anymore. You don't have any worries and can move on with your life" He sighed and stood to his feet. He snatched the sunglasses, which were attached to the front of his shirt, and slipped them on to cover up his red, and bloodshot eyes. "Goodbye, bab...Kim."

Kim's mouth hung open and she couldn't believe what he was saying. "Justin, you did what?" But...but why? You canceled the wedding? And you're breaking up with me? I wasn't ending our relationship, Justin.  "I was just saying I didn't want you right then, and that I didn't want to marry you. But I was talking shit. I was upset. I didn't think you would go as far as telling Polina to cancel the wedding. I was upset. Give me a break. Okay? I really do want to marry you, Justin. You can't do this. You can't go anywhere. You are a star! We are in the public eye. You can't just leave me, and shut me off. We have a baby together. I may get mad and say a lot of things, but I LOVE YOU! I love you VERY much." She cried. "Take your ring back. I refuse to keep it. Justin, you can't be serious."

"Tomorrow she will call everyone, to them personally, that the wedding is over. Don't try to act like you care for me now. It's all a lie. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'll figure something out. I do know that I'm leaving. You can keep all my stuff or throw it away. It doesn't matter. I don't care about anything anymore. My life is over and we are over." He endured his feet. He wiped his eyes one last time and sniffled. "Goodbye, Kim." He headed out of the coffee shop, leaving his half full cup of coffee and ring.

She chased after him. "Justin, you have to be kidding, You can't like leave me. We have Jade. What about Jade?"

"What about her? You don't want me, why should she want me? You keep her."

"But I wasn't serious. It may have seemed like I was, but I wasn't. I love you so much. Please take you ring. Or come back and sit down. We need to talk...we need to talk, Justin." Her fear of what was happening drove her into a panic. "All the things I said about not wanting you, and not wanting to marry you was a lie. I do want to marry you. I AM MARRYING YOU! I don't care what you say, WE ARE GETTING MARRIED, DAMMIT!" She followed him to his car. "Come back and talk to me! Please, Justin. The only reason I came was to make up. NOT TO BREAK UP!"

He unlocked the divers side of his car and postured down in it. He locked the door after he was seated to prevent her from opening the door.

"Justin, I'm sorry. You need to talk to me about this." She ignored the fact that she was sobbing. "Justin, listen. I want you, okay? I love you."

He started up the car and fixated it in reverse. He backed out of the parking space using great speed. His window raised down. "You broke my heart, Kim."

She stomped her foot. "Justin, you NEED to get out of the car and come talk to me! I mean, I'm confused. What are you doing? Where are you going? I don't get this. I'm telling you I love you. You and I need to fix things, because this has gotten out of hand." She stood in front of the car. "YOUR NOT GOING ANYWHERE!"

He sped off and didn't attempt to move, almost hitting her with his car.

Kim was able to move out of the way at the very last second. "JUSTIN! YOU ARE BEING SUCH AN ASS! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! THIS HAS GOTTEN OUT OF HAND! I'M WILLING TO MAKEUP AND YOUR LEAVING ME? YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME! YOU CAN'T DO THIS, MAN! TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE STAYING AT LEAST!" She ran after his car as she watched it vanish. He made a right turn. "JUSTIN!" She wasn't about to give up so easily. She felt her pocket for her car keys. This made he notice that she left her bag into of the coffee shop. "FUCK!" Crying her eyes out, she ran into coffee to reclaim her bag. She threw it over her shoulder and stole his ring for him, and left her untouched cup of coffee along with Justin's. Her hands hunted for her keys as she approached the car. Her esessively high heels carried her as fast as they could. She bolted in the car and took off. "I don't know what he think he is doing. He can't do that. He can't just leave. Thats just NOT possible." She wiped her eyes to drive better. "Okay. Which direction did he go?" She cried harder. "Oh, God. This is not suppose to be happening. I would have never thought he would go this far. Not in a million years." She sniffled. "So, he went down this road...WHERE THE FUCK IS, JUSTIN?" She reached into her bag and withdrew her cell phone. She called him as she drove recklessly. Of course he didn't pick up. "JUSTIN! OH MY GOD, JUSTIN! DON'T DO THIS TO ME! STOP PLAYING GAMES! WHERE ARE YOU? DON'T DO THIS! I'M SORRY FOR SAYING I WOULDN'T MARRY YOU! I'M SORRY! PICK UP THE PHONE YOU DAMN ASS!" She hung up the phone and threw it in the passenger side seat. "GOD!" Her insides were in a frenzy and hysteria. She raised down her window and exchanged a message to the person who was pulled over on the side of the road for some reason. "Excuse me." An older aged man set his eyes on her. "Did you see a sliver BMW go by? A brand new BMW? It's a really nice car?"

He laughed. "Thats a VERY nice car you have. I haven't seen a BMW. Sorry sweetheart."

She smiled to be pleasant. "Okay. Thank you anyway." As she raised the window back up, she achieved her thoughts. This should have never happened. None of it should have. She conceived back to her kissing JC. Too much was lost in too little time. She was clueless and saddened at the same time. She was also agitated in confusion. There was more to be said.

What Justin and Kim needed more than anything was A simple talk could turn everything around and possibly put the marriage on track. But how could a talk evolve if there was no communication to build from?

Kim found that she was having difficulty driving, because she was so hurt and disturbed. She pulled over and proposed her hands to her face and cried. For now it was all she could do.

Chapter 60

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