His eyes opened. What a gruesome sleep he had. It was funny how he'd rather walk on nails than wake up knowing he had to face Kim. From what he knew they were back where they started. Back to the lack of communication. Back to the sadness. Justin groaned and shifted his body to the clock. It was five AM and Kim was already out of bed.
He had a throbbing pain, centered in the middle of his forehead, and his hand covered the area to push on it. He didn't need this pressure. He didn't need the problems.
Kim was ...perfect. But if she was so perfect why did they have such an unbalanced relationship? All he wanted was a fairly normal relationship with her. That was all he wanted. He didn't want the fighting anymore. He didn't want the apologies anymore. Who could he blame though? How could he get upset because the relationship wasn't as perfect as he wanted it. He was the one that mess up this time.
Sadly, he felt he shouldn't be sorry for what he did to Britney. Why? Because he was confused and he couldn't help what happened. He was still confused now. Something Justin noticed about himself was he was weak. Maybe not physically, but internally. He was a very emotional person, and he wasn't 'so' emotional until he met Kim. He found himself crying a lot. And he knew that he would end up crying some point throughout the day. Him and Kim both cried too much, but it was something known for them, and it made them...them.
He extracted the covers from his body and thanked God the air-conditioning wasn't on. He wasn't feeling too well. He knew it was his heavyheartedness. What an appalling night! Everything just happened to happen at the absolute worst occasion. First Nick showed up unanticipatedly, and he had a nerve to hit him. But then he announced to Kim what happened. That was bad on his part because he not only didn't tell her, he lied.
Justin's walk was somewhat pokey as he penetrated the bathroom. He had to turn on the light, because the sun wasn't up yet. He turned on the water faucet and watched hot water lose itself into the drain. He just watched it, and let it run for no apparent reason. His hands scooped up a great amount of the hot water and it splashed against his face. He needed something to wake him up. He needed 'someone' to wake him up. Everything on his face was okay. His lip was perfect.
His feet were carrying him down the staircase. Oddly, the further he traveled downstairs, the more he felt like crying. He heard a clashing sound. When he entered the kitchen he could see it was a butter knife hitting against a plate. Kim was buttering a piece of toast. He was so quiet with his presence she didn't know he was there, and silently...he watched her. He was feeling down in the dumps, and he knew Kim's sarcasm was only going to make him feel worse. Why did he have to do what he did? Why did the madness have to emerge again?
"It's gotten extra gloomy in here all of a sudden. Hummm...I wonder why."
Kim was staring right at him. He had zoned out completely and didn't even notice it, until she spoke up. He felt ashamed and didn't know if he had anything to say to her. He approached her anyway and kissed her slowly, but hesitantly on the cheek. "Good morning, Kim."
His voice sounded awful. Kim almost felt sorry for him. "MORNING! JUSTIN RANDAL TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMBERLAKE!"
His eyes popped open wide, and he jumped. Her voice was not being pleasant at all. He took a deep breath and rested a hand on the kitchen counter. "I'm so sorry, Kim." He said miserably. "I know your mad at me."
She wiped the area he had kissed, then glared at each side of her toast. "MAD? Why would I be mad?"
His other hand rested on the counter. "Because of what I did." He whispered, because a knot was growing in his throat and it was sucking up the moistness of it.
"Because of what you did, huh?" She snatched a bite out of her toast and threw it down, into her plate. "WHY would I be mad because of what you did? WHY would I be mad that you kissed Britney?" She slammed her fist against the counter. "WHY would I be mad if...from what it sounds like, you were TOUCHING her and telling her you LOVED her. Why would I be mad, Justin? WHY?"
His head hung low and he looked at floor. "I was so confused, Kim. Can't you cut me some slack? I already feel bad. You don't have to make me feel worse."
She picked up her piece of toast again and bit it. "Cut you some slack? You know it's funny you ask that. I got drunk at a party and was kissing a guy I thought was YOU!" She paused dramatically. "And I didn't get CUT any slack. What I got was a car ride from JC! You know what, Justin? This is looking like a little revenge incident to me. Trying to get back at me are ya? Wink wink?" She smiled fakely and cocked him a look.
He placed his hand on her shoulder. "I never meant to hurt you, Kim. I would never try to get revenge on you. It's not my style. I try to be more mature than that. I never meant to hurt you, baby. Will you look at me, Kim? Please, just look at me."
She coughed loudly, and exaggeratedly. As if she had caught an contagious disease from his hand being on her. She turned and looked him in the eyes but only for a second, because she was too busy staring at his misplaced hand.
He didn't like the look and didn't want any trouble, and took it away.
"My, my, Justin. Aren't you just all touchy today? You go head wit yo bad self." She pushed his chest playfully. "You wouldn't have happened to...get some from Britney this morning, now did you? Or is she living in our closet secretly?" She grabbed him by the shirt and forced him closer. "Don't worry. You can tell me. I WON'T TELL ANYONE!" She acknowledged she was chocking him and shogged him off.
"I didn't deserve that." He swallowed. It was getting harder and harder for him to even whisper.
"Your right. You deserve a smack in the face."
He was quivering his head. "I would never deliberately hurt you, Kim. Why would hurt you on purpose? I don't want to fight with you. You think I like fighting with you?"
She angrily ripped a piece of toast off in her mouth. "If you didn't want to hurt me, Justin. Then why did you lie to me, when I asked you did ANYTHING happen when you saw Britney? If you wanted me to understand how confused you were, then you should have explained and TOLD me then, what happened. But you lied, and you HID it from me. You wouldn't even have told me if Nick didn't stop by to beat you up. BY THE WAY, how is you lip, SWEETIE?" She snatched his bottom lip down roughly and then let it smack back up.
Justin took a step away from her. She was being so cold that he just rather have her ignore him. "My lip is fine. Thanks for asking. And that is so not true, Kim. I was going to tell you. I was going to tell you that SAME night, while we were in bed. While we were relaxing and just talking like we USUALLY do. I was going to tell you, baby girl."
She snapped her head at him. "WHATEVER, Justin. You lied to me. Point blank. How can I trust you? How can I trust your words? How do I know you aren't lying NOW?" Her eyes broadened with anger. "I can't trust you, Justin! I CAN'T TRUST YOU, OKAY? You are suppose to LOVE me! You are suppose to KISS me! You are suppose to TOUCH me! NOT BRITNEY! It's NOT okay for you to freak out all of a sudden, just because you are around her. It's not okay to do what YOU did. I CAN'T TRUST YOU!"
He gasped in shock, and tears flared from his eyes. He prehended a shallow breath. "You...you can't...can't trust me, Kim? But what I did wasn't that..."
She pointed at him. "You went though ALL those speeches about how HONEST you have been with me. Back when I was pregnant you used to always BRAG about how you never lied to me except about that tree kissing thing, and the...I don't know. Something. Anyway, but since you claimed to ALWAYS be honest, I ALWAYS trusted you. Until NOW!"
He felt like a bottomless pit. He felt like he was falling into an eternity. He felt crushed. "I..." He didn't know what else to say. Therefore, he lowered his head and cried.
Kim rolled her eyes. "Why are you crying, Justin? Why are you always crying like a baby? I don't get it. WHY do you even let me affect you so much?" She tried to eat the remainder of her toast, but couldn't because Justin just standing there and crying was disturbing her. To be truthful, it was breaking her heart. She sighed and acted angry as an excuse. "I can't be around this shit. I have to be at the shoot sight at seven...I better get ready to go, because I just can't deal with this right now. I can't even eat my breakfast." She pushed her plate away and strolled out of the kitchen.
Before she could get too far, Justin clutched her by the arm. "No, Kim. You go ahead and finish your breakfast. I didn't mean to bother you." He let her go before she said something to him.
"I can't go back in there. Your all in my face, crying over me. How can I eat with you sitting there crying?"
He wiped his bleeding eyes. "Well, I just found out you don't trust me. How am I suppose to feel? What SHOULD I be doing? Laughing?"
She did laugh, just to be mean. "Thats a start."
"Okay, so you don't...trust me. But please, don't be mad at me. I know that when I'm mad at you I ignore you and stuff and you put up with it. But I'm not like you and I can't take it when your mad at me. It's the absolute worst thing. I just hate it when your mad at me. And I'd rather have you leave me, than be mad at me. That is how much I can't stand it."
"Don't give me any bright ideas."
"Just please treat me like a person, and not some animal. I need you, Kim. I need you because I am battling with my emotions and I'm STILL confused. I need someone to talk to..."
"You have JADE!"
He sniffled. "I need your help and support. I can't take you being mad at me. It makes me feel worthless. It makes me feel SO crappy."
Her face scrunched. "Quite frankly I think you can go to HELLo operator, please give me number nine. And if you disconnect me. I'll chop of you BEHIND the refrigerator...cute song. Don't you think? Maybe we should teach it to Jade when she gets older." She said sarcastically.
Justin looked deep into her eyes. All he absorbed from them was the fact that she was mad. It made him cry harder than he already was. "GOD, I'M SORRY!" He shouted, leaving and hastily going upstairs.
He had to be hurt. Kim knew she was hurting him by the way she was acting. Maybe he needed it though. Maybe he needed it to be that wakeup he solely needed.
Justin was laying on the bed. Jade was spread out on his stomach. She was grinning brighter than ever, and was lifting her head up...well, trying to.
It had been hours since Kim had left to go to her photo shoot. He didn't know what time it was. He really didn't care. There was one thing bothering him. The fact that Kim didn't trust him. There was nothing she could say that could hurt him more. Nothing. She verbally tore his heart out. He couldn't just breath her words off. They were glued to him. They were taunting him. He felt horrible.
More tears bubbled out of his eyes. He exploited Jades tiny fingers. He was only playing with her fingers because it made him feel comfortable being able to touch a civil piece of Kim. "She doesn't trust me." He said in a broken whisper. He transferred Jade up closer to him and stroked her growing, soft, curls back. "I'm glad you are happy." He said to the giggling baby. His thoughts tickled his brain. "How can we have a relationship without trust?" He shook his head. "Don't ever get yourself into situations like these, Jade. Don't ever mess up like I have. Don't ever mess up like Kim has. Don't be like either of us. I'm not to sure if we are setting good examples of being positive, around here." He was feeling better that he was talking about some things, but no one was listening, because his babbling had put Jade to sleep. "Oh, my goodness. You aren't listening either. Let me put you in your crib so you can sleep, baby girl." He rose to his feet and slowly brought the baby rightfully where she belonged. Justin's stomach was hurting and he felt somewhat sick. He was not able to eat anything. Kim words filled him up nicely.
He stared at the sleeping baby with his hands held tightly to the edge of the crib. He wished so much he could be Jade. He wished he didn't have to always be crying and sad. He wished he could just be happy for once. Happy as in, more than one or two days.
The phone began to ring and it broke his concentration. He made sure everything was okay with Jade before leaving her side and going into his bedroom to answer the bleeping phone. "Hello?" He asked putting it to his ear, not even attempting to look at the called ID on the back of it.
"Don't think it's over, Justin. You punched me in my face and think you are getting away with it?"
He laughed in response. "Oh, your calling me now? Am I that irresistible? What is it? The short curls? The teeth? The sparkling blue eyes maybe? Do you like me that much, Nicky? And how you doin', girl? How is your lesbian mate Britney?"
"HAHA funny, Justin." He said with no enthusiasm.
"FORREAL NOW! What are you calling me house for? You gay ass bitch."
Nick's voice rose. "Thats another thing. YOU call me gay all the time. I'm going to have to put a stop to that. You just talk too much bullshit. I'm not going to let you call me a gay ass bitch again."
"My fist is going to call your face...GAY....ASS...BITCH! You know. All you have to do is get breast implants and you'll be so much prettier than Britney! Girl, you would be getting all the guys!"
"Naw, listen up, man. Don't you EVER call my house again. I don't have time to be dealing with your stupid ass. And whatever you do don't mess with me because if I get my hands on you, you are going to have to call the cops to get me off of you."
"Aww you sound upset, Justy. You and Kim have a little fight? I would be upset too. The chick is so damn hot. She's the hottest thing I ever saw. Those eyes...that body, and especially that butt...DAMN! That girl has got it going on. I want her so bad. Hell...I got my Vogue magazine. You have yours? I'm waiting for my chance to give her a bang."
Justin thought his head was going to blow off, he was so angry. He tried as hard as he could to keep his anger to a minimum. Still he shouted in the phone like a mad psycho. "NICK, THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU...OHHHHHH MY GOD! YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR MINE TO SIT HERE AND SAY THOSE THINGS! I AM GOING TO...YOU WAIT UNTIL I SEE YOU NEXT! DON'T YOU EVER IN YOUR GOD DAMN LIFE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HER TO ME AGAIN! IF HER NAME EVEN EXITS YOUR MOUTH WHEN I'M AROUND, YOUR GOING TO GET YOUR ASS BEAT..." He was trying to regain his breath, and not curse too much.
Nick was frightened by his tone. "Whoa. Don't get your brain in a tizzy. Why are you being so protective of her anyway? She came over to Britney's house this morning. REAL early. And she apologized to the BOTH of us for your actions. Isn't that SWEET, Justin? I gave her a KISS...on the cheek. DAMN! Why couldn't it be more? She said she was VERY upset with you...awww you poor thing. Justin isn't getting much PLAY now is he?"
"I'm not. But I know several guys that are getting some action from you. You gay ass BITCH!"
"Look, man. I'm just callin' because I don't want you touching Britney, ever again."
"You don't have to worry about me TOUCHING BRITNEY! I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TALK TO HER! I know you BETTER not call me again. And I don't want you on my property again. AND I don't want you saying, KIM again. Or I am going to beat your God damn face in. UNDERSTANDDDDDDDDDD MEEEEEEEEEE?" He cleared his throat. "BYE BYE BYE, YOU GAY ASS BITCH!" He said in a girly, voice cutting the phone off and throwing it down on the bed. The confrontation with Nick left his brain at once. He could careless about HIM. Kim, was who was on his mind. She really WAS mad at him. She went over to Britney's house before going to work? And then she apologized for HIS actions, as if HE did something wrong? He was even more hurt now, because he felt like he was being gone against. He hated when Kim did side things like that. Why couldn't she just talk to him? She probably didn't even understand the story. Typical. He just wanted to get rid of everything around him, and start new. But that was just not possible. He wanted his OLD, fun, life back. He wanted to be the Justin he always knew. For he didn't know who he was anymore. He was sitting on the bed, with his head down. His thoughts were rushing through his brain at the speed of light. And she didn't trust him. Or at least she said she didn't. A pain was in his chest and it wouldn't go away. It had been there every since she said she didn't trust him.
The doorbell rang.
His head shot up and he sighed in frustration. He was just sick of it. Plain and simple. He was sick of it. THE FIGHTING! And he just wanted to scream to rid his pain. He wanted to get his suffering out. He was sick of the tag team relationship. Happy one moment, fighting the next, mad the next. It sadden him his life had become this. A...game.
He wiped his dry hand on the legs of his pants as he walked downstairs. He didn't know who it was at the door. And he forgot to check the clock to see what time it was. He sighed and he gazed at the front doors. It could be anyone at the other side of the doors. Someone to lift his sprits. Someone to bring them down...the gay as bitch, Nick.
His hand turned the knob on the door and he pulled it open. "Jussin! Jussin!" Cherry jumped on his leg.
Before he could respond to her Candy spoke up. "Hi, Justin. I um...hope we aren't disturbing you. Cherry finished her school work early today and she has been begging me for the longest to bring her over here. I told her it was okay to hang out with you for a little bit, if thats okay with you...are you busy? Or have something to do? Is it okay if she stays for a little while?"
Justin sniffled and nodded. "It's okay." He whispered.
Candy turned her head to the side. "Uh, Justin. Are you okay?"
He smiled slightly. "Yeah."
"Oh, okay. I'll be going now. I'll come in get you in a few, Cherry. Bye!" She hesitantly left Justin.
Justin looked down at the jumpidy Cherry. "Hey, Jussin! Ain't you happy to see me, Jussin?"
He picked her up and held her to his side. "Hey, Cher! I am happy to see you." He kissed her on the cheek. "I missed you so much."
Cherry giggled, but stopped suddenly. "Jussin, why you crying? Why you look so sad? Even when I first got here you were crying. Why, Jussin? Why you so sad?"
He carried her inside of the house and sat down on the couch with her. "Crying?"
"Yeah. You crying, Jussin. Can't you feel it?" She wiped under his eyes. "Please, don't cry?" She kissed him on the cheek. "Don't cry, Jussin. What happened? You got a booboo?"
He nodded slowly, and a few more tears drifted down his face.
"Where's you booboo? Did you fall and hurt your knees? I be fallin' all the time. I be fallin' and fallin' and I hurt my knees a lot."
Justin smiled warmly at her. "My booboo isn't on my knee." He pointed to his heart. "It's right there."
Cherry immediately kissed the area. "My mommy says to kiss all booboo's. Why you got one there? You gonna talk to me, Jussin? I'm your bestest friend." She continued to wipe his eyes, like the sweetheart she was.
"Well, Cher." He began. "Kim said some things to me, and they made me sad. I said and did some things to her, that made her sad. Now I'm really sad because I don't know what to do."
"I think you should give Kim her spaces. Let her have the spaces and she will know that you shouldn't be sad, but happy together. That's what I think, Jussin."
He shook his head. "God, you are such an amazing little girl. Your so sweet. Thank you so much, Cher. Your just a little darling."
She laughed. "Jussin?"
"Give me a hug!" She wrapped her arms around his neck, and held him.
Justin held her tightly. "You just made my day. I'm so happy you came over." He rubbed her back as he held her.
Cherry pulled back. "I'm glad! I'm glad you not crying no more! I promise you, Jussin. You look just like Jussin Lake. You look just like him."
He laughed for the first time of the day. "Can I tell you a secret?" She nodded frequently. "I am Justin from Nsync. JC, Lance, Joey, and Chris are my friends."
Her eyes lit up and she bounced up and down on his lap. "HOLY COW! That is so cool! I knew it. I knew it! But I thought you was Jussin Lake. But I'm wrong 'cus it's Jussin Timberlake! Timberlake!"
He laughed harder. "Yup, thats me! Haha. Your just so cute."
She kissed him on the cheek again. "Well, thank you, Jussin. You cute too. Where is Jade? She even cute too!"
He cleared his throat. "Jade is upstairs."
Cherry put her finger to her lip. "Upstairs? I never been up there. In this big big house I never been up there."
He moved her hair out of her eyes. "Well let me show you, cutie! I'll give you a tour of it." He stood up and held her supportively to him, as he went upstairs.
"Tour? What's a tour? 'Cus I thought it was when you got on a bus and danced and stuff.
He chuckled at her. "Well, thats true! A tour can also be when you show someone something."
"Show someone something." She repeated trying to understand.
"This is the upstairs, my sweet." He told her placing her down on her feet.
Cherry's head looked all around her. "Jussin, this house is HUGE! Look at all them rooms?" She pointed down the hallway.
He held her hand. "Well, you have a HUGE house too. Now then. That room right over there is where I sleep."
Before he spoke another word, she broke away from him and ran into the room. "COOL! Can I look around?"
He entered the room as well. "Um...sure."
She was very curious, and was observing everything. "Whoa! What a big bed! It's way bigger than mine. Is that where you and Kim play, Jussin?"
He cleared his throat loudly and scratched behind his ear. "Play?"
She fiddled with her hands behind her back. "Yeah. My mommy says when she has a boyfriend that childerns shouldn't sit on grown up beds because thats where they play."
"Oh. Your MOM told you that well...she's...Kim and I do 'play' sometimes, but not lately. Besides, we change our sheets after every...um...a lot. We change our sheets a lot. You can sit on the bed if you like but..."
She jumped on the bed and started jumping up and down in it. "Is it okay if I do this?"
He shrugged. "Kids really aren't suppose to jump in beds. But hey I don't care. Kim does it sometimes."
She jumped while watching herself in a mirror across the room. "Hehe. Kim is cool."
Justin sat down on the edge of the bouncing bed. "Yeah, she is." He whispered, while nodding. "She is also really mean, when she wants to be." He felt Cherry jump on him and he yelled to act as if she had scared him.
She giggled and wrapped his arm around his neck from behind. "Don't worry...be happy. Don't worry...be happy."
He laughed. "Aww, isn't that sweet of you? Would you happen to know anymore words to that song, Cher? He looked back at her to meet her eyes."
She shook her head. "Don't worry...BE HAPPY!" From there, she jumped off the bed and searched around some more. "What's this?" She asked walking into the dark closet.
He got up and cut the light on for her. "The closet."
"OH MY GOD! You closet is bigger and bigger. Bigger than the room with your bed!" Her attention was drawn to Kim's side of the closet. She picked up items of clothing to gaze at them."
"Uh, honey. I don't think you should..."
She opened up a drawer filled with Kim's bras. She pulled one out of the bras out, and put her arms through it. "How come I can't wear these, Jussin? My mommy does. How come I don't have boobies?"
He smacked his hand against the top of his head. He was not good with situations like these and especially not with girls. "Uh...you will one day, Cher. In a few years I'm sure you'll have some. Didn't your mom talk with you about that kind of stuff?"
"No!" She pulled more drawers open only to find more bras. "There is a lot of these things. How many is Kim gonna have? Sheez."
Justin was by her side now and he took the bra from between her arms. "I know, right? I just want to throw some away. She has got to have more than three-hundred."
"Jussin, what's this?"
He took his boxers away from her. "Uh...those are mine."
"What's CK mean?"
"It stands for the name Calvin Kline."
She held up another pair of his boxers. "What these say?"
"Who's Joe Box-her? Is he Afro 'Merican?"
He laughed and quickly took the boxers from her to stuff them back into the drawer they came from. "I have no idea who he is or WHAT he is. He just makes...clothes. How about we get out of the closet now? Think we had enough closet fun?"
"Yeah." She said with a nod. "It's just makes me really sad I can't wear any pretty clothes like that. How come I can't look like that. How come I can't look like Kim. Why can't I be pretty like her, Jussin? Why? And how she be showin' her tummy and stuff. I want to be like that."
He picked her up, carried them out of the closet and sat down on the bed with her. "Cher! Stop that. You don't want to be Kim."
She turned her head to the side and looked like she was about to cry. "Can I be Britney Spear then? I just wanna be someone pretty like that."
He closed his eyes. "Thats not what I meant, Cher. Your just a little girl. You will grow up to be a teenager like them. Well twenty like Britney." He shuddered from saying her name. "You are a beautiful little girl. You don't need to look like 'someone' else. And God help you, definitely not Britney. You are one of the prettiest little things I ever saw. Be yourself. Be happy about yourself. Don't worry. Be happy!"
She giggled. "Well, can you least make my tummy show and make me shine like Kim and Britney, Jussin?"
"With the little sparkly things on me."
He smiled. "Oh. What you want me to do is make you over. I'll see what I can do. But I'm not good with handling stuff like this. The only way we can make your stomach show, is if it has healed. Has the cut gone away? That reminds me. Has your mommy still been hitting you?"
She pulled up her shirt, and showed him her stomach. "My cut is all gone. Mommy doesn't hit me anymore. She said she will never hit me again. And she took me to the toy store, and she made my favorite foods. She has been really nice. I love my mommy now."
"Thats great. THAT'S how it suppose to be." He touched her stomach where the cut once was. "My God. You healed perfectly!"
"Yup! Now fix my shirt so my tummy shows like Kim."
He laughed. "Oh, okay!" He took her shirt and pulled it tightly against her, then he tied a knot in the back, so her stomach was showing a little. "Your mom is going to kill me, if she sees you like this."
She crossed her arms. "No she won't! What about the sparkly things?"
He went over to the dresser and took something from it. "That's right. The glitter. Open your hand." He opened up a bottle of lotion.
"What's that?" Cherry asked putting out her hand.
"It's lotion, with glitter in it. Kim always puts it on to 'shine', shall I say." He squirted some in her hand, and then his.
"M'mmm. It smells SOO good, Jussin. It smell like pears." She said taking a great sniff of it.
He waved his hand in front of his nose. "No it don't smell good. It smells girly! Girls suck!" He told her jokingly.
Both of them were rubbing lotion on her. "Do NOT!"
He knelt down and rubbed some lotion down her legs. She was wearing shorts and he could tell her legs had healed some. Still she had marks on her legs that look fairly permanent. Maybe they would vanish when she got older. He shook his head because he didn't want to start thinking about abuse. Not right now. "DO TOO!" He spat back playfully.
"DO NOT, JUSSIN!"
"If girls suck so bad, then why do you play with Kim in the bed?"
He paused, and stopped concentrating on lotioning her legs. His eyes met hers and he grinned evilly. "Hum...are you smarter than you seem? Exactly WHAT is your definition of playing, Cher?"
She was rubbing lotion on her arms. "Playing is when you tickle Kim at night, and make her laugh and scream. And when you make her yell your name for being bad!"
Justin slapped his pear smelling hand over his mouth. "Where did you hear of things like that?"
She smiled. "My mommy! She said it's the face of life. The face of life is just what happens to everybody."
He chocked on his spit. "Um...yeah. What ever you do. Don't tell your mommy we talked about this, okay? This conversation never took place, right? It's just a secret between you and me."
"Right! Now, am I shinin'?
He stood up and looked her over. "Yes, you are. You look like the glitter girl!"
She clapped her hands together. "YAY!" She stole a tube of liquid lip color from the dresser. It was in the color caramel. "Put this on me, Jussin." She jumped up and down excitedly.
He took the object from her hands. "Okay, but only lip color. I'm not putting any other makeup on your face. It's too delicate for all of that blush and stuff. You'll like break out." He used the lip color and painted it against her small lips. When he was finished he nodded unsatisfied. "Nope. Thats not going to work on you. Your looking a bit too sexy to be a six year old." He used his hand and wiped the lip color away. He then wiped his hands on his pants. "Let me get something that is a little more appropriate for your age." From the dresser he took a clear lips gloss. "Let's try this." He swiped the gloss on her top lip, and then bottom lip. "There you go. Now your perfect!" He smeared some of the gloss on his finger and then licked it.
Cherry pushed him. "EW! You don't eat the gloss, Jussin! Gloss ain't no food."
He laughed. "It's so good. I do eat it. I eat it off of Kim's lips...whoops. I didn't just say that. God, I'm awful around children. It's eatable, Cher. It tastes just like green apple Jolly Ranchers. It's so good." He licked all of it off of his finger and threw the tube back on the dresser. He picked Cherry up and stood her up in the bed. "Look at you in that mirror over there. You look more beautiful than a model."
She smiled in the mirror. "How do I look like a model, Jussin? Tell me."
"Your long brown hair. Your sparkling green eyes. Your skinny and you have your stomach showing. Finally, your lips and that smile. You are just so cute. If you were fourteen years older I'd ask you on a date. Can I have a kiss? Give me a kiss on the cheek."
She giggled shyly at all of his comments. "I can't give you a kiss on a cheek, Jussin. Only when you cry I can. You are my bestest friend, not my boyfriend. I don't like you like that silly!"
She took his words the wrong way, but since she thought he was crushing on her. "OH MY GOD! You just totally broke my heart." He sat on the bed and put his head down. "Here I am thinking I had a chance with the beautiful Cher. I was going to wait until you were eighteen so you can run away with me...you just rejected me."
She laughed. "You just fakin' it! You know you my bestest friend, Jussin." She pulled a hand from his slumping head. "Jussin! I know you just fakin' it. You know we are just FRIENDS!"
He grabbed her by the waist and gently slammed her down on the bed, and began to tickle her.
She laughed madly and kicked her feet. "HAHA! Jussin, get off me. JUSSIN! You gonna mess up my...HAHA! You gonna mess up my looks."
He immediately stopped and stood her up in the bed again. "Your right! Sing something for me, CHER! Your a star."
She made her hand into a fist and put her hand to her mouth to pretend it was a mike. "..."
Before she could say anything the baby monitors and the background sound indicated Jade began crying. "Jade is up. Better go check on her." Cherry attached herself to Justin's side and he brought her into Jade's room with him. "This is Jade's room." He said, placing her down. He reached his arms into the crib and picked her up.
"WOW! What a nice room. What a pretty picture on the wall. I wish I had a picture like that on my wall. Jade has a big room to be just a 'lil baby. Why she get a room this big? Bigger than mine and yours." She wandered around the room looking at things.
"She does have a big room. I don't know why...haha." He held Jade close to him and peeked at the inside of her diaper. She needed to be changed and he laid her down on the changing table.
"How come you have...one...two...three...four...five....six....seven...eight...nine, nine strollers but you don't even put Jade in one?"
Justin removed the tape of the baby diaper. "We have a lot of them, I know. But Kim and I don't use them because when we take Jade out. We rather be holding her. Knowing she is in our arms at all times. Being in Nsync has made life hard for me, and I wouldn't want Jade to be kidnapped. Or Kim. So, we just always hold Jade when we go out. Better safe than sorry."
Cherry ran over to him. "Oh, your changing her diaper? I want to watch. I wanna see what you do!"
He rolled the soiled diaper up carefully. "You want to see baby shit?" He froze and closed his eyes. "GOOD LORD! I am SUCH a HORRIBLE person! All day I've been talking inappropriately around you."
"It's okay." She bit her lip in thought. "No fence. But what is shit exactly?"
His eyes widened as he continued to change Jade. "OH NO! Don't repeat it! Don't say that word, Cher. Your not suppose to say that word."
She pouted. "Well what does shit mean? Is it baby poo? Or poo in generals?"
"OH MY GOD! You said it again. Listen, Cher. Shhhh...that word, is very bad. Your not suppose to say it. Don't EVER say it. Don't tell your mom I said it either, okay? It's a very bad word! And it's means crap, basically. I really don't know why people say it. I don't mean things in bad ways when I say it."
She licked her tongue at him. "You shouldn't say things you don't mean, Jussin. Sayin' things you don't mean make you hurt others. Sayin' things you don't mean make trouble."
The little girl standing before him was six, but she was smarter than him and Kim when it came to common sense. What she said made him attain that his whole relationship with Kim was based on things they didn't mean. It was how they always hurt each other, over and over again, by things they didn't mean. His back straightened and he blinked blankly.
He had to come back to reality and answer her. "Huh?" He was finished changing Jade, and he held her to his chest.
"How come Jade look just like you?"
"I don't know. I guess it's because she is my baby, and she has my genes in her." She was too young to know he was getting smart with her. He held Jade out for her to take. "Can you hold her for a second? She just threw up all over me. I think the milk Kim and I and giving her, is making her ill..." She accepted the baby warmly and held her tightly. "Be careful of her head, sweetie."
Justin used a blanket to wipe the baby spit up off of him.
"You know what, Jussin? Baby poo doesn't smell or throw up."
He chuckled. "I know. I was telling Kim the same thing. But that is only because Jade is a small baby. When she gets older and starts eating food and stuff. It's gonna make me sick to my stomach when I change her diaper. I'll probably be scared the change her. I'm gonna be like." He made a demonstration of opening up a diaper. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He then fell on the floor and acted like he had fainted.
Cherry's laughed echoed throughout the house. "You so silly, Jussin. You a crazy lunatic!" She tapped his chest lightly with her foot. "Haha." She gasped when Jade threw up all the way down her shirt. "EW! EW! Jussin, she threw up on me!"
He got up off the floor. "Oh no! You got it WORSE than me. Now you need another shirt! I think I may have over fed Jade earlier." He took the baby and placed her back into the crib with her pacifier. He then grabbed Cherry's hand and led her over to another room located in Jade's room. "This is ridiculous. People have sent Kim and I so much stuff for Jade, she even has clothes to wear when she gets your age. I think we are going to give some of it to charity." They were in a massive closet filled with baby things. Justin held up a shirt which said 'GAP' on it. "This should be able to fit you. It's for like a three year old. Your kind of small. It should fit."
"Okay." She looked up at him and smiled.
He took her into the master bathroom, and ran a towel under some hot water. He helped her pull her shirt off and he wiped the places the throw up was. The GAP shirt was tight on her, and just like she wanted it showed some trim of her stomach. "Nice and dry." He said balling up her dirty shirt. "I'll just throw this in the washing machine, and hopefully it will be dry by the time your mom gets here."
Jade had went soundly back asleep and Justin and Cherry decided to go downstairs. "I don't know about you, Cher. But I'm hungry."
Her legs swayed off of the kitchen counter, which is where Justin placed her. "Yeah. Make me a peanut butter and jelly samich!"
He took the bread from the refrigerator. "Peanut butter and jelly it is. What kind of jelly? We have six different flavors."
"GRAPE!" She said quickly. "Always GRAPE!"
"Haha! Okay!" It didn't take him long to put her a neat sandwich together. He poured her a glass of milk also, to wash it down. "Here you go."
She took the sandwich with a thankful nod, and took a big bite out of it.
Justin leaned against the counter and watched her. "Can I have a bite?" He asked jokingly. Cherry ripped her sandwich in two messily and handed him half. "Aww, I was just kidding. I don't really eat peanut butter. It is so thick, it gags me. I hardly ever eat it."
"EAT IT! You need food too!"
"But I don't..."
She shoved her whole half of the sandwich in her mouth and struggled to chew it down. "Do like me, Jussin. Eat it in one bite."
"No, I couldn't. I'd be sick. How in the heck do you do that anyway?"
"DO IT!" She shouted, with a mouth full of thick, gunky, peanut butter."
He looked at the piece of food and swallowed hard. "I really need to stop letting these woman tell me what to do!" He closed his eyes, and just like she, he stuffed the half of sandwich down his throat. His main priority was to get the sandwich chewed and swallowed. He cover his mouth with his hand to try to hold the contents in his mouth. And he tried his hardest not to gag. He could sense one coming though. "Can't do this." He mumbled, trying to chew the gooey substance. He took his hand away from his mouth. "I can't eat peanut butter, Cher." He tried and he tried, but he couldn't take anymore. He spit the sandwich out in the sink, hearing Cherry shouting 'ewww' in the background. After washing everything down the sink, he closed his eyes and gagged. "UGH! Sick! Peanut butter is SO nasty. I almost threw up." He gagged again.
Cherry laughed at him, as she took sips of her milk.
He took the glass right out of her hands. "Do you mind if I have a sip of this? Didn't think so!" He took several large swallows of the milk. When he was finished he gave the glass back to her, and licked his milk mustache away. "You don't mind if I put my mouth on that, do you?"
She shook her head. "Nope. We bestest friends. We can share stuff!"
He wiped the corners of her mouth, which had jelly and peanut butter in them. "Yup."
"You know what, Jussin? I had a lot of fun today. I found out you were Justin Lake. You gave me a tour. You gave me fun. Thats why you my bestest friend. You the only one that will play with me. You the only one that let me come in they house. My mommy is nicer because of you. Thank you so much, Jussin. You my bestest friend."
He held her in a hug. "Your welcome, sweetheart." He pulled back when he heard her sniffle. "Awww, don't cry."
"But...if you didn't ever be my bestest friend. I wouldn't have no one. You...you my only friend. 'Cept mommy. Daddy left me 'cus he didn't want me anymore. No one wants me. Thats how I always felt until I met you. I'm always lookin' for new friends but I never find none."
He kissed her on the cheek before holding her in a hug again. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Cher." He whispered mournfully. "It's not that your dad didn't want you. I'm sure he had a reason for leaving you." He wiped her eyes.
"No!" She shook her head. "NO! Last year when I was five. I drew him a picture, and made him a card. My mommy sent it to him, and he called me. And yelled at me, and said to never write him no more. He said he didn't want any contacts with me. He made me cry. He put a booboo on my heart just like the one you had, Jussin."
"Oh my God." He said stunned. "I'm...sorry you had to go through something like that. I'm so sorry, Cher. No sweetheart like you should have to suffer like that. Don't cry though. Okay, honey? Be strong and think of only things that make you happy. That way you can forget the things that make you cry." He kissed her on the forehead reassuringly. "Okay?"
"Okay." She smiled. "Jussin?" She said with a sniffle.
"Yeah?" He said smiling back.
"You smell like baby throw up. Hehe!" She giggled and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck.
They laughed together.
As they were laughing in the kitchen, the door bell rang. "I think thats your mommy! Justin said with a raised eyebrow. "You don't want her to know you were crying, do you?" She shook her head. "I didn't think so." He wiped her eyes again. "Show me your beautiful smile." Her lip gloss was gone but she still had the glitter shimmering on her. He helped her off of the counter and walked her to the front door. Justin opened the door, and just as he suspected, it was Candy. "Hi, Candy." He said.
"Hey! She said with a wave. "Hey, Cherry! You had fun?"
She ran to her mother. "Yes, Mommy. I had lots of fun. Jussin is my bestest friend!"
She laughed and kissed her daughter all over her face. "Oh, I'm so happy you had so much fun!" As she was hugging Cherry she met eyes with Justin. "Cherry, why don't you go ahead to the car. I need to talk with Justin for a second."
"Okay, Mommy." Cherry walked to the car.
Candy approached Justin and stopped when she was a mere inch from him. "In case you were wondering, Cher has a different shirt on. Jade threw up on her and her shirt is washing right now. I'll bring it back to her later. Oh, and also. I put some glitter lotion on her, if you don't mind. And some lip gloss. I hope you don't have a problem with that. I probably should have asked you first. She wanted to be like Kim so bad that I..."
She went with the urge and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you, Justin. Thank you for all you've done for her! You just don't understand how much it means to her. She cherishes your friendship. You treat her like a daughter and you don't even know her. I can't thank you enough. I've been horrible to her. I've been getting counseling! But, I've been horrible to her. Sam's been horrible to her."
Justin broke down laughing when he thought she said 'Spam'. "OH MY GOD! I WAS RIGHT! HER DAD'S NAME IS SPAM?" He supported his weight against a wall were he lost all his sensibility and just laughed. "Well damn, you whole family makes up a balanced meal! Well, not really! Candy, Cherry, SPAM! Haha!"
Candy laughed through tears , which had developed out of her eyes. "No, Justin. Not SPAM! SAM! Haha!"
"SA...SA...SPAM, SAM! Close enough. Okay, it's old now. Seriously though. I don't mind Cher. She's an amazing little girl and I love her to death. So what if I don't know her personally. I know her somehow. We have so kind of connection. It's weird, but true. Bring her by anytime. She's great company."
Him and Cherry hugged again. "Thanks, Justin."
"Your certainly welcome. And I'm happy your getting help. Your doing great. Cher is so much happier now."
She kissed him on the cheek. "Yes, she is. Thanks to you. By the way. You look so much better. Earlier you looked somewhat upset."
He nodded. "Yeah. Cher, brightened up my day!"
Candy smiled and turned away. She suddenly stopped and turned back to face him. "You know, Justin. I enjoy eating jail food. When are you going to eat some 'Candy'?" She licked her lips seductively and then winked.
Justin's eyes widened in shock at her bold approach.
Kim probed into the house. She wasn't planning on staying very long. She just needed to grab a few things and then she was leaving again. She saw Justin coming down the stairs, but he hindered when he saw her.
"Hey, Kim." He said humbly and quietly. He only said it to test her tolerance.
"HEYYYYYYYYYYYY, BABYYYYYYYYYY!" She almost growled at him.
She seemed to be getting madder by the seconds.
"I hope you know, I had to stop by BRITNEY'S house this morning. AT SIX AM! Just to apologize for the stupid things you've done. Nick was there too and I told him HE had a right to come here and try to fight you. Since you practically tried to MOLEST Britney!"
Already his day was becoming black again. He felt the rain cloud hovering over him. That cloud being his mass of tears. "I did NOT try to molest Britney, Kim. Why would you say something like that?"
She held her arms in the air. "Who knows WHAT you were trying to do? No one understands what goes on in that stupid brain of yours."
He took a deep breath to prevent from crying out, and a tear ran down his cheek. "You're calling me stupid?" He nodded, his head lowerd, and he viewed his hands. "Okay..."
She brushed past him and headed upstairs to get Jade. The baby was already dressed and cleaned up. "I'm going to the store to get GRIFFIN a birthday present. His birthday is in a few days and I haven't gotten him anything." She brushed past Justin again with Jade in her arms and a diaper bag on her shoulder.
"Can I go?" He asked groggily. He only asked because he figured she would say no.
"SUREEEE! I'd just LOVE for you to GO WITH ME!" She was being so ugly to him. "SIKE! You can't go anywhere with me LOOKING like THAT! I'll give you FIVE GOD DAMN MINUTES! If you aren't ready by then. I'm LEAVING your ASS!" She slammed the front door closed and he winced at the sound. While he was with Cherry he forgot about Kim and her being angry. But he had to face it again, and it wasn't pretty.
Four minutes later Justin exited the house. He put on some clean jeans and a black tight fitting shirt. He had a fisherman's hat on, to try to hide his face. Not from fans, but from Kim. She was waiting for him in her Lexus which was already started up. He opened the door of the car and just as he was about to sit down she drove forward, almost driving over his foot.
She laughed. "Oops! Sorry, my foot slipped on the gas."
He tried a second time and sat down only to hear Britney Spears 'Baby One More Time', blasting from the speakers. This was beginning to overwhelm him. As soon as he closed the door, Kim took off.
"SHOW ME! HOW YOU WANT IT TO BE! TELL ME BEA-BEH! 'CUS I NEED TO KNOW NOW, UHA BECAAAAUSE!" Kim sung loudly, just to annoy Justin.
Her display...hurt him. It hurt him to know that she was being so cold. He wasn't sure if he deserved such treatment. He felt like he had been punished a great deal. He didn't need more.
As Kim drove and sung her Britney songs she began to drive fast and recklessly. "CHECK IT OUT, JUSTIN! I'm speeding! Aren't you going to YELL AT ME? SCORN ME?"
He sank deeper in his seat and rested his arm on the arm rest.
"Take that DAMN hat off!" She snatched it from off of his head. "Awww, are you crying? WHAT'S WRONG?" She took her eyes off of the road and gawked at him. Watching the liquid drops roll off of his cheeks and onto his dark denim jeans, where they disappeared. A car in front of her had stopped at a light and she was able to stop at the very last second without hitting it. Any later and she would have crashed right into the car. She ignored what happened and continued to pick on Justin. "AREN'T YOU GOING TO YELL AT ME FOR DRIVING SO HORRIBLY? AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY SOMETHING? DO SOMETHING? You are ALWAYS doing SOMETHING! Huh, JUSTIN?" She pulled over on the side of the road! "WHY ARE YOU CRYING, HUH? FUNNY HOW YOU ARE ALWAYS CRYING LIKE SOME DAMN BABY! YOU WERE JUST CONFUSED! RIGHT, JUSTIN?"
His breaths increased. His amount of tears increased. His sniffles increased. But he didn't show any emotion. His face kept it's same motionless stature, and he wouldn't look at her. Her face was so close to his that he could feel the coolness of her sweet breath against his cheek.
"CONFUSED, JUSTIN? I...I WAS CONFUSED, KIM! I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU, KIM! I MADE A MISTAKE, KIM! I STILL LOVE HER, KIM! BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SHIT!" She punched the stereo off with her fist, so he could hear her shout louder. "YOU MADE ONE TO MANY GOD DAMN MISTAKES, JUSTIN! IT HURTS ME SO BAD THAT YOU WENT OUT AND KISSED BRITNEY CLAIMING YOU LOVE HER! YOU SAY YOU STILL LOVE HER NOW! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO TAKE THAT? THAT HURTS ME SOOOO BAD! IT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE THERE IS SOMETHING ON THE SIDE GOING ON! YOU NEED TO WAKE THE FUCK UP, JUSTIN! YOU CAN'T...WE BOTH CAN'T MAKE ANYMORE MISTAKES! YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED WHAT HAPPENED! YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED YOURSELF, DAMMIT! BUT YOU DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU STILL LOVE BRITNEY!"
He used a hand to wipe the left side of his face. He had spit fragments all over it from her shouting.
"I think you should give Kim her spaces. Let her have the spaces and she will know that you shouldn't be sad, but happy together. That's what I think, Jussin."
The only thing keeping him strong was thinking about Cherry's words. He wasn't going to say anything, he just gave Kim her space.
"WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GOING TO MYSTERIOUSLY DO, JUSTIN? HAVE SEX WITH BRITNEY? LEAVE ME? PUSH ME? OH, PUNCH ME MAYBE?"
Tears were rapidly pouring out of his eyes now. "I love you, Kim." His whisper was broken and chocked. His face never moved to look at her.
"THERE IS NO TELLING WHAT YOUR ASS IS GOING TO DO! THATS EXACTLY WHY I CAN'T TRUST YOU! YOU LIED TO ME ALSO! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!"
"I love you, Kim." His human frame was cracking around him, and he spoke in more of a cry than a whisper. It was obvious he hurt her more than he thought.
"YOU HAVE LET JADE AND I BOTH DOWN! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LOST YOUR HEAD! NEITHER IF US CAN TRUST YOU! NEITHER OF US!"
He wish he never came. And didn't know why he volunteered to come in the first place. "Stop! Stop it!" He cried. He snatched his hat back from her and put it on. "Your..." He placed his cheek against the cool window and put an arm over his head. "Your so cruel. " He cried harder. "Your so cruel." He repeated, his words faded until they weren't audible.
Kim closed the car door using her hip, and she carried Jade naturally in her arms. She was looking very cute and causal. Wearing a orange tube top with Hello Kitty on it, hunter green shorts, orange platforms to match her outfit, and a modern bag which she wore at her waist, similar to a belt.
The distance between her and Justin, as they walked, made it seem like they weren't even together.
Justin had his head down. He refused to look at Kim. His ears followed the sound her shoes made and he kept track of her that way.
Kim jetted over to Justin for a brief encounter. "I don't know why you decided to come to the store with me. You may get beat down by fans!"
"I don't care."
"Anyway, I don't want you crying while I'm shopping. You understand me? It's embarrassing and all you do is cry! Don't be crying around me in public! It's so God damn embarrassing. All you do is cry dammit! Don't you DARE try to act like I'm being mean to you for no reason! You brought all of this on yourself!" She saw that he was nodding and then she recreated the distance between them.
Kim entered the store and searched around for something for Griffin. Her eyes would carry themselves to Justin every once in a while. She began to feel bad for him, because he seemed more miserable than any day she could remember. He wasn't even talking much. He just kept to himself and kept his head down. She took a dark blue turtleneck from a rack. "This is nice. Griffin has a NICE upper body. He is VERY built! This would make a nice gift. Do you think this is NICE, JUSTIN?" She shouted his name so people would catch him in public.
He nodded, nothing more. He wasn't even looking at her. He eyes stayed to the floor where they always were.
"I'm glad you like it. I guess I'll buy it!"
She stumbled through the store holding Jade supportively. Finally, she came across a cashier, who happened to be a guy. She laid the clothes item on the counter. "OH MY GOD! It's KIM! KIM MILLER!"
The guy looked about twenty. "That would be me." She said with a sly smile.
"You are so damn hot! EVEN HOTTER IN PERSON!"
She switched her finger at him. "Naughty, naughty. Please try not to curse in front of my daughter."
His mouth hung over when he took a peek down her shirt. "HOLY..." He cleared his throat looking down a few times. "Kim, I swear I almost like know you. A real good friend of mine named David went to high school with you. He was like..."
"The most popular guy in school. Yes, I know him."
He swallowed hard and struggled to speak. "Your lips...your teeth. Your perfect. GOD YOU ARE SOO HOT!"
She laughed. "Cool. I've got a groupie. Now are you gonna let me BUY this shirt? Or are you going to flirt with me all day?" She licked her lips.
"FLIRT with you." He blurted. "I cannot believe I'm meeting you. And your pictures." He took a magazine, with her on the cover, from behind the register. "I take this with me everywhere I go. GOD, I'm a lucky man to be looking face to face with you. That guy that is marrying you is even luckier. That Justin Timberlake guy. Where is his stuck up ass anyway?"
Kim giggled and pointed to the right. "That's him."
The guy went deathly pale. "Uh...uh...it is? Well, how come he didn't say anything to me for...is he um...okay?"
Kim pushed Justin playfully, and he took two steps over. "He'll live."
"Justin. You okay, dude? With the hat on I didn't even recognized you."
Justin didn't say anything . His head just lowered even more.
"But, I heard that he was overprotective of you. Why didn't he beat my face in?" The guy asked Kim.
"He's sick, I think." Kim shrugged.
Both of them stayed fearfully quiet when Justin spoke. "She's a grown woman. She's allowed to TALK to other guys if she wants."
"Dude, you sound awful are you sure your okay?"
Kim interrupted him. "Can I buy this now?"
"Kim, for being so beautiful I'll give it to you for free."
"But the turtleneck costs two-hundred dollars."
He nodded. "I know!"
While exiting the car Justin said nothing. He just left and headed straight upstairs. Rocking Jade in her arms, Kim sat down at a stool in the kitchen. Something was bothering her. She didn't know what it was. Maybe it was the fact that Justin needed her. Maybe he really did need her reassurance in his time of confusion. Maybe he needed some love. She began to wonder if the way she was treating him was being too hard on him. After all, Justin was emotional. He was one of the few guys who could show emotion. And he showed a lot of it.
She rocked Jade to sleep. It was about seven o'clock and she felt somewhat sticky from her early morning photo shoot. She needed to take a shower and get cleaned up.
She carefully placed Jade down in her crib with a fresh, warm, bottle. She then made he way into the bedroom. She was about to go inside of the bathroom, but the door was closed, and could hear Justin crying inside of it.
"But I don't know why I did it...why did I do it, God? Why? Now I've hurt her again. I've hurt her again! She doesn't even trust me. All I want is her to trust me and love me, but she doesn't even trust me."
When his cries grew harder and more powerful, and his pain grew more immense, Kim chocked. "Bless his heart." She whispered. She felt so bad. There wasn't a time she could ever remember him crying like he was. Crying as if he had lost everything. Her trust must have meant everything to him. She just stood at the door with her hand touching it, and she just wanted to reach out to him, but her pride wouldn't let her. And she much rather play the roll of a bitch, then the loveable Kim she could be.
Justin spent several more minutes in the bathroom. He felt much better after minutes of just straight forwardly crying. He was able to release some of his pain. "You've fucked up once again Timberlake...I don't think she's ever going to trust me again." He moaned to himself. He opened the bathroom door and was shocked out of his mind to see Kim standing there. "Oh, I am so sorry. I didn't know you were waiting to use the bathroom. You should have just yelled at me and told me to get out. I didn't mean to make you wait." He scrunched his body up as much as he could to walk past her without touching her. He knew she wanted nothing to do with him. "I'm sorry." He repeated again, leaving the bedroom to go into his studio, where he would spend the rest of the day.
It was almost ten o'clock. Kim was laying on the bed, feeding Jade a bottle.
"Kim." Justin said from the doorway. "Kim, since you didn't make any dinner I was about to go pick up something to eat. Do you want anything while I'm out?"
She didn't attempt to look at him, she kept her eyes on Jade. "Actually, I did make dinner. I just didn't make any for YOU."
This was one of the absolute worst things he had to go through. Her being mad at him. It WAS the worst. He nodded. "Right...none for me. Do you want anything?"
She rolled her eyes. "Not from you. NO!"
"Okay." He had nothing left to say and left at once. As he stepped out the front door, he took a deep breath of the fresh air. He almost felt sick...no. He WAS sick! Sick with sadness. He walked down a path which led to the garage. When he made it to it, he pressed a button on his key chain. Instantly the four doors of the garage began to rise up. Two spots were empty. One being because Kim's car rested in the driveway. Usually, Justin's would be too. He just recently started putting his cars in the garage. As he stood there, a smiled crept across his lips. He remembered the great time him and Cherry had. That little girl seemed like an angel.
"I think you should give Kim her spaces. Let her have the spaces and she will know that you shouldn't be sad, but happy together. That's what I think, Jussin."
He didn't know why he was listening to her, but he was doing just that...
He arrived home and ate his food at the kitchen table by himself. He stalled as much as he possibly could because he didn't want to go into the bedroom, until Kim was dead asleep. He didn't want to hear anymore of her put downs. So, he took it upon himself to hold out until twelve o'clock.
Feeling it was late enough, and being a bit drained, he decided to go upstairs. The entire house was pitch black except for certain moon lit areas, the upstairs being more dark than the downstairs. To his luck the bedroom was dark too. The TV wasn't even on, which indicated Kim was asleep. He stepped into the room, and something came over him. It was a horrible feeling. He didn't know what it meant but he felt like he felt earlier...filled with grief. It saddened him, him and Kim had to be this way. So much more could be done at times like these, but here they were. Unhappy and almost separated. After undressing, he took to his side of the bed and covered up from the now on air conditioning. He lengthened the blankets all the way up to his neck and he made sure his back was to Kim. He closed his eyes and said a brief prayer before opening them. He felt his hot tears singe his face as he cried silently. He had cried too much he was sick of crying, but he was also hurt. Hurt so much he couldn't stop crying. The main reason he was hurt was because Kim said she didn't trust him. There was nothing that could describe the pain he felt from her words. Nothing. And he rather be dead than have her not only NOT trust him, but mad at him. It was too much for him to take. Especially since he counted on her for so many reasons emotionally. He sniffled four times in a row and tired to breath off his sadness without making any notions of crying to Kim.
"Justin..." Kim mumbled. "Justin, don't tell me your STILL crying? You've been crying all day. I can't sleep knowing you are crying."
He removed the covers from his body. "I'm...oh my God. I think I'm freaking out. I've just been crying all day non stop. I mean, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you, Kim. You go back to sleep. I'll go in another room. So, you can sleep peacefully." He swung his feet over the edge of the bed, and gripped one of his pillow in his hand.
Kim's hand touched his back. "Justin, I didn't mean it like that. You don't have to go anywhere. Justin...I'm here for you. I can't see you like this anymore. I was lying. God knows I was lying. I trust you, Justin. You know I do. You have a right to make mistakes and you have a right to be confused. The things I said to you, I didn't mean them. I was just saying them to make you hurt like I was hurting. I DIDN'T MEAN THEM!"
She licked her tongue at him. "You shouldn't say things you don't mean, Jussin. Sayin' things you don't mean make you hurt others. Sayin' things you don't mean make trouble."
Justin crawled over to Kim and he tucked his head to her chest. "Baby..." He groaned. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, baby girl." He cried rubbing his face into her. "I never meant to hurt you."
Kim touched his face and stroked it. "Shhhhh, your going to be okay, sweetie. I know you wouldn't, Justin. I trust your words. I trust your lips which speak your words. I trust YOU!" Her fingers traveled into the depth of his short hair. "And, baby. If you ever need to talk to me. I'm ready to talk..." She felt his lips touch hers.
"I need to talk to you." He said with a sniffle. Kim could taste the salt of his tears invading his lips. He moved himself closer to her. "But later, because right now I'd much rather kiss you."
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