Chapter 23 I think the little picture is hilarious!
June 31 2002 (two weeks later)
Kim ran up the front steps of the home. She opened a door, ran inside, and slammed it closed. She could see Justin in the distance with Jade watching TV. He was feeding her a bottle. ( The had overcome their differences with the bottles and decided to do the half and half ordeal.)
She went to the refrigerator and got a bottled water then sat down on the couch next to him. She sipped her water and tried to get her breath back.
She overly shook her head and gulped more water down. "God, I hate Florida sometimes. It is so hot outside." She stood up, and with crossed arms she pulled her T-shirt off, she sat back down with her white sports bra now showing.
"It is." Justin agreed.
Kim licked her lips, he looked so delicious and more built and more tan...gorgeous. It may have been pathetic, but she whished she could get one more episode with him, like the one in the bathroom several weeks ago. He was still acting very much the same with her, except he gave her a peck on the lips every once in a while, if she was lucky. It just made her want to cry.
She turned her head to see Justin was staring at her. He was staring at her like she was him. She pulled her eyes away from him though. She didn't care to much for his stare because it really meant nothing. He didn't want her. Not like that anymore. The spark had died along time ago.
Another fact that made her upset was, Justin and Jade seemed to have some kind of bond. A bond that she was left out of. She didn't understand it, and she didn't want to think of it as being that way. It could have been jealousy. She wanted Justin to treat her as he did Jade, but he wasn't, simply because he was still hurting.
She was not the same person, she was weak and just out there. The night she felt the awful pain was a clear sign of that. Her anger and sorrow and happiness and grief all clashed together and she lost it. She was not a average person. She was Kim, the girl that had been abused her whole life.
She met eyes with Justin again and he was still staring at her. She rolled her eyes unknowingly. "What was that for?" He remarked, offended by the look.
She tried to play if off. "What was what?"
He placed Jade in her chair. "That look."
She raised her hands and put the top layers of her hair in a knot to help cool her down some. "Oh, I don't know. I was just thinking about some things." She got up and took off her shorts, only to reveal shorter boy cut shorts. "Man it is so hot in here." She went to go check the air conditioning, which was already on.
"What is this? Strip tease?" He asked watching her every movement. "Well you've got the tease part down and pack." He winked from where he was.
"Whatever." She switched out of the living room.
Justin looked back. She was leaving and she was acting like she had a problem. He looked down at Jade and then followed to where she went. He could see a trail of more of her clothes and went through the back sliding doors which led him to the indoor pool. Kim was swimming. He could see her taking a lap across the pool and she did so without coming up for air; until the very end. She aroused out of the water looking like a goddess and her eyes were about as blue as the water around her. She didn't say anything to him, she just looked down.
"Have you cooled down some?" He asked trying to get the best of the situation.
"Yeah." She sunk underwater again. And moved deeper out in the water, further from him.
"What's the matter with you, Kim? Why are you acting so strange?" He sat down on the edge of the pool and put his feet in the water, making his pants legs wet.
She pointed to herself and laughed. "Me? Acting strange? Yeah...okay." She fixed her bra because it was on the verge of being too small.
"Yes, you are acting very strange! VERY!"
She tried to sink underwater to ignore him.
"Kim, will you come here? Come here, and talk to me baby...girl."
She shook her head. "No Justin, you don't have to call me baby girl. Call Jade that instead."
"Kim." He jumped in the water and gasped because he was not expecting the water to be so cold. "Damn, the water is freezing."
Kim swam over to him. "Justin, what are you doing? The baby is in the living room. By herself."
Justin pulled her close. "I know, but she's sleep and if she cries we will be able to hear her. We need to talk. Your still mad at me for the ring thing. I know you are."
She tried to brush past him but he stopped her. "I don't know what you are talking about. That was SO last week. Don't you think I'm over that by now? That was two weeks ago."
He held her arm to keep her from leaving. "Kim, you can't be mad at me forever, just because I don't want to get married."
The nerve of him to say something like that and what he said was only half of the problem. "Fine, Justin! You don't want to get married. How many times are you going to tell me that? It's kinda OLD by now." She walked up the steps of the pool to leave.
"Kim, don't you know it hurts to know that you've been tricked and then NOT BELIEVED? It is a very HEART BREAKING THING. I don't think you understand that."
She paused and spun around. "Justin, I know that I hurt you because of what I did, but what was I suppose to think? What was I suppose to think watching you with Britney like that, while I was carrying your baby? You should know by now! YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN I'VE BEEN THROUGH! You never had to be beaten for standing up for yourself. Or have your own parents tell you they hate you and will never love you. What was I suppose to think? All the bad things that has happened to me, and now my marriage went down the drain, how should I feel right now? Other than being happy about Jade, I'm not so happy any more. So don't give me that 'do you know how much I've hurt' stuff. You will NEVER understand the pain and hurt I've been through. Physically or mentally, Justin." She shook her head. "Never." She mumbled to herself as she walked away. "No wonder I have freaky fits or is so abusive. I am a freak. A freak of nature. I don't even know how to be normal." She wiped a tear from her eye.
Justin jogged to her quickly. "No, Kim. Your not a freak. Don't say that." He put his hand on her wet shoulder.
"Justin..." She didn't even know what to say to him. "UGH! Never mind! Your not helping anything. You only make me feel worse." She turned and looked him in the eyes.
His eyes widened in bewilderment. "What? I make you feel worse? What does that mean? Kim, we should be happy we are back together now. And have been for the last three weeks." He pulled off his shirt because it was soaked and was annoying him.
She crossed her arms and pouted. "'Should be happy,' being your key words. What happy? We've know each other for over a year now. The thing were BOTH did in this damn relationship most is CRY! I know I have. I'm pretty sure we would have oceans if we added all the tears up. Tear of sadness, some tears of joy. THATS ALL WE DO IS CRY! AND I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW! Do you think this is healthy, Justin? Do you think this so called 'relationship' is healthy?"
He paused and without a doubt was chocked by her words. He wasn't sure if he knew what she was trying to say, but what she had already said...hurt.
She laughed. "Thats what I thought." She wiped her cheek. "Oh, look! Your crying too. Here we go once again...crying." And she left him standing there.
Justin needed a minute to get himself together and contain himself. He felt his hair back. His braids were taken out by now and he getting use to wearing his afro again.
As he entered the living room he saw that Jade and her chair were gone, which meant Kim had her, wherever she was, which was probably upstairs. The whole situation was not working out. He nearly killed himself for this. For auguring and not getting along. And then he STILL didn't fully trust Kim, which was very awful. He knew it was awful but he couldn't help how he felt.
He saw Jade, in he chair, sitting on the bed. He smiled dearly at the baby, then walked into the humongous closet which was filled with his clothes now, and Kim's which mostly came from his house. "Kim." She was changing into some dry clothes.
Kim covered herself with her hands. "Justin, I'm trying to change here. Please, get out or turn around."
"Kim, I just wanted to..."
"GET OUT OR TURN AROUND!"
He drew his neck back in offense. "I know your a woman. Kim I see you everyday. I've saw you naked endless times, why are you trying to get upset over something like watching you put a shirt on."
She stomped her foot. "Damn you, Justin. I didn't ask for a lecture. I have a right to decide who sees me and who doesn't. I SAID GET OUT OR TURN AROUND."
"OH fu...forget this." He turned around in attitude and began to take his wet jeans off. "I was only BOTHERING you, Kim. Because I wanted to ask you. DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS? DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON?"
"NO! I don't want to talk with you about anything, Justin."
He was raging mad at this point, because just when he felt they could put their differences aside Kim stopped that. "FINE!" By now she had a shirt on and he brushed past her to get him some more dry clothes. "If you don't want to talk with me, THAT'S JUST FINE!"
Kim had just caught her balance. "Nice, Justin. Knock me over why don't you. Anyway, I need to go somewhere. Will you watch Jade until I get back?" She glanced at him and was able to capture him just pulling his dry boxers up. "Hot damn." She whispered under her breath.
He he put his hands on his bare waist. "NO...WAY! NO WAY! I spend too much time watching the baby, while you do nothing. And you get to roam the streets while I stay here playing house Mom? Don't think so sweetheart!"
She stepped up closer to his face. "Justin, I need to get something important. Along with some things for dinner tonight! You don't have to be this COLD!"
He pointed his finger in her face. "Who spends more time with Jade? Me or YOU?" His eyes grew wider as his voice raised.
Kim stuttered. "We spend an equal amount of time with her."
"NO! Who gets up more in the middle of the night to take care of her?"
"I TOOK CARE OF HER LAST NIGHT, AND LET YOU SLEEP IN, JUSTIN."
His face was red he was so upset. "ONE TIME. ONE TI..."
She threw her hands in the air in defeat. "Okay Justin, you know what? This conversation is over. I'm done. I'm through. I'll take Jade with me. I WILL NOT SIT HERE AND FIGHT WITH YOU ALL DAY!" She didn't care and kissed him on the lips. "I'll be back BABY BOY." She rolled her eyes and went to get Jade ready to go with her.
Kim walked in the house with several bags and Jade and her arms. Justin did not help her with the things, but she really didn't need any. She went directly into the kitchen. She could see Justin was on the couch watching TV and eating pretzels. He looked back at her once but didn't say anything.
She sat the bags down on a kitchen counter and smiled down at the bright eyed Jade. "Hey, little girl. Aren't you smiling today! I don't know, Mommy isn't doing so well." She picked up Jade's tiny foot and almost began crying. "Aww look at you. Your feet are teeny tiny. You are teeny tiny." Here were covered in baby Tommy Hilfiger socks, actually her whole outfit was Tommy, of course it was something Justin got her.
Jade yawed and closed her eyes.
"Let me put you in your crib." She passed trough the living room. "Hey, Justin." She said, since he could not say something to her first. He didn't take his eyes from the TV, but he flicked his hand at her. It was sort of a 'hi' gesture, but not really. He was mad at her. And he was so good at being it. With just one look or action, he could made her feel like crap. And she felt like it.
As soon as she put Jade in her crib she fell completely asleep. She had to get the baby monitor that was in her room, to bring it downstairs with her, so she could listen out for Jade as she cooked.
Before going to the kitchen, she sat down on the couch next to Justin. She crawled over him and then curled up in his lap like a kitten.
"KIM, WILL YOU GET OFF OF ME? I'M TRYING TO WATCH TV!" His voice. It was so loud and obnoxious that she just shivered.
She stole a pretzel that was in has hand and ate it. "Shit looks better than me right now, huh?"
They were both confused. And the confusion was distancing them more, because they were both mad for the wrongs reasons. And they were both messing up the most easily dealt things. "Why are you talking to me? You don't want to talk to me, remember?"
She squinted her eyes as she stood. "But I didn't mean like that...and why are you acting so child...oh, man. I need to leave you alone. BECAUSE I'M REALLY GOING TO GET PISSED OFF IN A SECOND." She snatched the baby monitor up and brought it to the kitchen with her.
She picked up a fresh green pepper, and began to chop it up for the spaghetti, Justin's favorite. She was making it for dinner. She chopped at the pepper angrily and to be honest she was making a huge mess. "I don't know how much more of this I can TAKE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH US? DAMN!" She was pounding the pepper with the knife and was no longer cutting it. She was demolishing it.
The knife slipped and she cut her hand. She was lucky, because the cut was very small. She ran some water on top of the cut where it began to bleed minimally. It took about one minute of pressure to stop the bleeding. She washed her hands again and then attempted to cut another fresh pepper, only this time, without the anger.
When she was finished cutting the peppers she put some Italian sausage in a pot of Prego spaghetti sauce and she boiled some water to put angel haired pasta in it. As she stirred the meat sauce, a arm went around her waist and she gasped for air because she was not expecting it at all. She knew she was dreaming because she felt Justin kiss her on the neck and then his head rested on her shoulder and he rocked them together slowly. "I love you." He whispered on her neck.
She jumped and then screamed. She thought it was her imagination, she didn't actually think he was there. "Justin..." She turned her body towards his. He could be a helpless romantic when he wanted to be. He knew how to sweep a lady off of her feet.
He kissed her on the cheek. "I'm." He kissed her lower cheek. "So." He kissed the corner of her mouth. "Sorry." He kissed her on the lips and didn't let up. He stepped back some and pulled her with him so she wouldn't get burnt by the stove.
"Kissing me isn't going to make up for what you said." Her lips were still attached to his.
Justin broke away and smiled. "Oh, really? Are you sure about that?" His eyebrow raised. "Kim, are you sure about that?"
She ignored him and stirred the sauce before it stuck to the bottom of the pot. "Yes, really."
"Humm...okay then. If you say so. Do you need any help?"
She faced him and faked smiled. "No!" She shook her head no.
He wiped his mouth. "Okay. Well, can I just sit back and watch you? If only you knew how sexy you really are."
"What is this, Justin? Some kind of love triangle? For God sakes! Come on now! What is this? One second your yelling at me, the next your calling me sexy, but then you don't even treat me like you use to. You treat me like you don't love me anymore! Then you do your kissy thing, in which you try to turn me on. But that doesn't work anymore! The candle blew out a long time ago. I can tell when someone wants me or not. You are just here. You are not jumping for joy that we are together, you are just here. And the only reason I think you are here is because of Jade." She threw some strands of the extra thin spaghetti in the pot of boiling water.
He wiped under his nose and didn't move anymore after that.
"Yeah, you know I'm right too." Se searched through the cabinets. "Damn, where are the big bowls at. It's a shame I don't even know where my own dishes are." She ignored Justin, who was still speechless, and opened up a cabinet door which proved, the bowls she were referring to, where at the top of it. She couldn't reach with her height, so climbed on top of the counter to get the bowl.
Justin touched the back of her leg. "You have got the nicest..."
She looked back. "Nicest what?"
He began to rub her leg. The look she gave him..."Nicest...um...heart." She grabbed the bowl and then laughed hysterically. She was laughing so hard that she slipped and fell, and he caught her in his arms. "Careful." He didn't know his facial expression was similar to a puppy dog's. He was still trying to get over what she said to him.
"Thanks, but no thanks. You should have let me fall. Then maybe I would have broken my DAMN neck!"
He kissed her on the lips. "Stop talking like that! You know I'm crazy about you."
Kim took out two plates. "Yeah, crazy about me? BULLSHIT, JUSTIN! BULLSHIT! Don't you see what's going on? SOMETHING ISN'T WORKING OUT RIGHT! CAN'T YOU SEE? DO YOU SEE IT? WE SUCK TOGETHER! Oh yeah thats right, you have more dick than you do brains."
He snatched his plate which he could tell she had made for him. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? MY GOD! AND YOU SAY I DON'T HAVE BRAINS! I FORGOT, you are a NATURAL blonde." She gave him a horrible look. "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN! I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS!" He took his plate with him and left.
Kim looked around at the kitchen. What was happening to them? She didn't want to fight anymore. She was going to do something about it. She patted the area above her heart.
After taking ten minutes to clean up the kitchen, Kim went upstairs to Jade's room so she could give her sponge bath. She took Jade and brought her into her bedroom, then laid her on the bed. When Kim went into the enormous bathroom to fill a bowl with some water she could tell Justin was in another portion of the bathroom, ether showering or taking a bath.
She went back to Jade with the bowl of water, some baby bath gel, a Elmo sponge, and a towel. "Hey! Hey, Jade!" The baby was just waking up, so she was not alert as she usually was. "Yes, your sleepy, I know you are. Let me just clean you up, then put you back in bed." She placed the towel under the baby and as soon as she took her diaper off, she noticed something. The stump on Jade's navel had fallen off and she could see she had a innie belly button. The stump was nowhere to be found. But it was good news, because once the stump falls off, babies can take full baths and not just wash-ups. "Cool, your growing so much." She kissed the baby on the stomach and then cleaned her gently.
After she cleaned and clothed the sleepy Jade, she walked back into the room with her. The baby may have been sleepy, but she was hungry too, and Kim was going to feed her...when she got through dealing with Justin. Now was probably the only time she could get him to talk to her; when he was in the bathroom.
She looked over at Jade one last time and she was happily sucking her pacifier. "I'll be right back, baby girl." Kim told her realizing she left the baby monitor downstairs on the kitchen counter.
She seemed to be running towards the bathroom. She was that desperate to get Justin's attention at that time. By the time she reached him relaxing in the Jacuzzi tub she was crying. "Justin, I need to speak with you. It's very important." She was so scared.
"Oh, what's wrong? Ready to kiss and makeup already?"
She approached the tub hesitantly. "Are you naked?"
"I'm afraid so. I wouldn't come any closer if I were you, because I just might stand up and..."
She sat down on her knees. "Good, because you can't run off and I have to talk with you."
He didn't want to talk to her. "Kim, not now."
She cried harder and took a deep breath. "I am so sorry for not believe you about the Britney thing, and I'm so sorry I left you, and I'm so sorry you almost..." She was struggling to speak. "You almost ended your life. I'm sorry for being so mean to you, and I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt you so badly. I know you don't trust me all that much, and I know you probably never will love me the same, but I love you and I love Jade, and I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to lose you, ever. I know that I gave you my ring back and told you I would never marry you. I was stupid for saying that. And I didn't mean what I said. Justin..." She took a box out of her pocket that was over the area of her heart. She open the box and both of them were almost blinded by the light the ring inside reflected. On her way out Kim picked up a custom made engagement band. The ring was completely covered in diamonds, and each diamond was of the smallest but most expensive cut. Her hand shook uncontrollably, because she was scared of rejection and she never thought she would be doing this. "I am so sorry for the things I said. I love you so much, Justin." She pulled the ring out of the box and dropped it, her hand was so unstable. She picked it up and slipped it on his middle finger.
He was already in tears. "Oh my God."
"I never thought I would be asking this, but Justin...would you." She stopped to take a breath and tried to calm herself by fanning herself. "Would you marry...ME?" She kissed his beautiful hand.
watch out they are on the bed ;)
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