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Chapter 22   Justin and Kim...no refund! lol

June 17, 2002

Kim couldn't keep her eyes off of the sleeping baby below her. She was so proud of herself. She made it. She never thought she would make it to the happy state she was. It was just her and her healthy little girl Jade...some Justin.

She pulled the baby chair closer to her and pulled a blanket up closer to Jade's sleeping face. Her eyes fell back to the vibrant television.

"HONEY, I'M HOME!" Justin shouted, barging in the house.

"OH my Lord! JJJJUUUUSSTTIIINN!" Kim couldn't catch her breath. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN? YOU JUST LOVE TO SCARE THE LIFE OUT OF ME! DON'T YOU?"

He paused with several bags in his hands and raised his eyebrow teasingly slow. "And she will awake in five, four, three, two, one." From Kim's loud tell off, Jade awoke crying.

Justin laughed his way into the kitchen. Quickly, before Kim saw him, he placed some Similac underneath a cabinet, along with brand new bottles that he had boiled, to sterilize, at his house. He was hiding them from Kim.

"Your little count down is not funny, Justin. Jade doesn't feel well. She got her ten day old check up today. She got several shots in her leg. The doctor gave her some Tylenol, but she still has like a small burse and knot in her leg from the shot." She gathered Jade into her arms.

Justin entered the living room and sat down next to Kim, who was sitting on the couch Indian style. "Bruise on her leg?" He sat a plate of food on the coffee table. "Bruise on her leg?"

"Yeah, you know it happens when you get a shot. It's worse for babies, so she doesn't feel well."

Justin would not look away from her leg. "I wanna see her leg. I want to see." Kim pulled up Jade's sundress and showed him a little blue and purple mark on her tan leg. He shook his head. "I don't like that. I don't like that at all. I don't understand why they have to hurt the babies to keep them well."

Kim kissed Jade, she was trying to go back to sleep. "I know, but at least she IS well. Besides, she need the shots to protect her immune system from certain illnesses."

Justin touched her arm because she had a black and blue mark on it. "What happened to you?"

"I got a shot today too. I got several actually, but right there I got a shot that was birth control or something. I have to get it every three months. And what is does is it makes it so I won't release any eggs, in other words I won't get any periods. Thank God! So, I can't get pregnant again, until I stop getting the shot. Anyway, I see your back. You just keep coming back..."

Justin smiled to himself. "Yeah. Sorry I didn't stop by yesterday. I HAD to record a little in the studio. If I didn't, the guys said they would HANG me. And well...thats kinda bad, don't ya think?"

Kim giggled. "Yeah, thats really bad."

"You know I love this house Kim. And when I saw that pool, with the sun room around it. I won't be going anywhere anytime soon." He took the plate of food and took the lid from it. "I brought some lunch. Nachos. From I don't know, this Mexican restaurant." He ate one. "Huh." He put a chip in her mouth which was cover in liquefied cheese. It was the first time he fed her like that since they started to 'see' each other again.

She used her hand to push the food farther in her mouth. "Thank you, sweetie." She mumbled chewing and swallowing. "You know, Griffin stopped by earlier. Just to say hi and check up on me. He just left. You just missed him."

Justin was in the process of swallowing. "Damn, I wanted to thank him, for all he's done."

Kim punched him, not very hard. "Justin, not in front of the baby. Don't curse in front of her."

He placed another chip in her mouth to quiet her. "I'm sorry. She's sleeping soundly, but I'm sorry." Justin was cautious and considerate with Kim. He knew she was there and that it was really her, and he loved her more than anything, but he wasn't...sure about her. He figured they were back together, but they seemed more like good friends. He was the main cause of it. He was NOT use to seeing her or being with her, but Jade. She was another story, he was use to her, but Kim. He wasn't. He hated to admit it, but he didn't trust her much. He had this feeling that she would do something to hurt him...his heart wouldn't be able to take that again. It took too much to try to convince her that he was innocent. He didn't like that, and therefore a lot of her trust...was lost.

"Justin, stay with me." That came out of nowhere.

"O, I'm not leaving right now."

She sat Jade back in her chair, then corrected her slouching posture. "No! Move in with me. Stay with me and Jade. You are so wonderful to be around and we both love you dearly. Just come stay with us."

He waved his finger, and laughed at first. "Oh, know ya don't. Women do that all the time. They tell their boyfriends to move in with them! HA! Then when they get into one little argument...get out of my house. They do that 'this is my house' thing. No way. I won't even get myself into that mess."

"Justin, I'm serious. You know I would never do anything like that to you."

"Uh huh." He said sarcastically. "I'm sorry, Kim.  I just cannot live off of no woman. It won't happen, Kim. I couldn't live with myself."

She picked up his hand and kissed it, even looked like she was trying to cry. "Please, Justin. I want to be with you always. Please? You could give me half of what I paid for the house, that way it would be equally ours. Please, Justin?"

This would probably had to happened somewhere down the line. "Okay. He whispered, shaking his head. "Okay. But I am not selling the house I have now. Some fucked up stuff may have happened there, but I love it. It was my first house." She didn't hit him for cursing because she was so happy.

Kim grabbed him and held him. She cut back on the crying though. "Oh, thank you. Thank you, Justin."

He doubtingly patted her back. "Your welcome."

She looked up at the height ceiling and removed the tears which were hiding underneath her eyes. Kim noticed the change in Justin. He was still hurting. He didn't try to kiss her not once, on the lips at least, and he was not very affectionate. Which was something he was known for. He wasn't touchy feely and she missed that so much.

He ate another nacho chip and placed another in her mouth.

She chewed gratefully and swallowed. "Justin, what did you do with the ring I gave back to you?" She didn't know why she asked the question, or how it came to her mind, but she regretted it after she asked it. They barely had a relationships going, let alone a marriage. Justin called her girlfriend a lot. When they were going to be married he never called her that much.

Justin cleared his throat several times when the edge of a chip cut this throat a little as it went down. Kim thought it was because he was stalling, but really he wasn't. "I threw it in my back yard. I threw it in the wilderness." He ate another chip, only because he was beginning to get angry. He was the one that should of been angry all along. He was the one seduced, he was the one that was betrayed and not trusted. He was the one who had to suffer the most emotionally, and now that Kim had forgiven him and said she was sorry, he realized she was the one who should have been sorry all  along. Needled to say, he did nothing wrong from the start.

"You did what? Why did you DO THAT? That ring was sixty thousand dollars. JUSTIN, ARE YOU CRAZY?" She looked at the baby, she was sleeping so deeply she didn't wake.

He put the food back on the coffee table. "What are you talking about? Kim, when you threw that ring at me and called me a loser, I stopped caring. The ring is worth nothing if it's not on your finger. So, I threw the damn thing with nature. You were the expense. The ring was nothing."

"But Justin, it was my ring. You got it for me, remember?"

He turned his head to the side and cracked his neck. "YES, I KNOW THAT! But for some reason you gave it back to me. I believe you told me you would NEVER marry me, is that right? So the wedding is off. I still love you, Kim. Don't get me wrong, but the wedding is off. I haven't told anyone that it was yet. I will in a month or so."

Her bottom lip began to tremble and she pretended to wipe her mouth to stop it. He didn't want to marry her anymore. "I was...uh...I think it maybe time for me to feed Jade..." She sniffed as if she had a cold and placed her hair behind her ears. "Yeah, I better go do that." She left and went upstairs.

Justin was not stupid, she didn't go upstairs to feed Jade, because she was still in her chair sleeping. His eyes rolled around for a while. He had to go see if Kim was okay. He might have been too aggressive towards her. He picked up Jade, who still wasn't feeling very well and held her to his chest. She remained sleep even when he made it to the top of the stairs. He looked around the hallway before entered 'her' master bedroom. There she was pulling her spaghetti strapped shirt down. She just finished changing clothes. And it was obvious, she was crying. "Kim." She didn't take notice to him, until now. He sat down on the bed and watched her try to get rid if her tears. She made sure she kept her face out of his sight. "You okay?" He rocked the baby and kissed her.

Kim turned around after she cleared her cheeks. "I'm fine. I was just coming up here to change. Then I was going to get Jade and feed her. She probably needs a diaper change."

Her shorts weren't too short and weren't too lengthy. They fell perfectly below her waist and her stomach was showing. Her beautiful tan and flat stomach. And he couldn't take his eyes off of it. How could it be so flat already? "I'll changed her. You look mighty fine to just had a baby ten days ago. Damn."

"I can change her, and I've asked you NOT to curse around the baby." She pushed his chin up because his mouth was hanging open.

"Chill girl, I'll change her."

Kim snatched Jade away from him. "She's my baby too DAMMIT! I CAN DO SOME THINGS FOR HER TOO! I AM THE ONE WHO CARRIED HER! I AM THE ONE WHO FUCKING HAD HER WITHOUT HER FATHER BEING THERE! I HAVE A FUCKING RIGHT TO CHANGE MY BABY IF I WANT!" She met eyes with the crying Jade. "Now look what you made me do." She shook her head then stormed out of the room and into the baby's.

Justin followed her. He was quiet shocked by hear saying the things she did. "Your mad at me aren't you?"


Jade was only wet and she placed the used diaper in a object which sucked them up stored them to keep the diapers from smelling. "NO! I am not mad. I am so sorry, Jade. Mommy didn't mean to scare you like that and say those awful things."

"You act like she can actually understand what you are saying. But you are a great mom. And I know you are mad at me, Kim."

She really was mad. She was mad because she thought she understood him, but with all the mixed signals, she didn't. She tricked him by plastering a smiled on her face. Before walking out of the room with the freshly changed Jade she kissed him on the cheek. "I'm not mad" She said again. She was hopping that he would kiss her back before she left the room, but he didn't.

Being mad at each other was not what they needed right now.

"I give my all to have, just one more night with you, I'd risk my life to feel, your body next to mine, cause I can't go on. Living in the memories of a song."

When Justin made it back down stairs he could see Kim feeding Jade, and singing Mariah Carey's song 'I'd Give My All'. She sung beautifully and he didn't distinguish it before. "Your voice...it's heart stopping, Kim. You have a beautiful voice." He placed his hand on her shoulder from behind the couch. He could feel her tense up when he did so.

She looked back at him and gave him a very plain look. "So, Justin. Did you happen to meet any other females while we were a part?"

He wished she didn't ask that question. Because then, he couldn't lie to her and he had to tell her about Natasha. He walked around the couch, and took a seat next to her and nibbled at his nachos again, which were still warm. "Well I met a girl named Natasha."

Her head slowly turned towards him because she was expecting him to say no. "You what?" She asked.

He swallowed the chips down as hard as he could so he could explain before she got upset. "Yeah. She's new, from Europe. We became friends but THATS it. She's getting married."

"Oh." She looked back at the TV.

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Later that night.

Justin lifted up the covers of Kim's large bed and slipped underneath them. "She's asleep and everything is perfect with her." It was times like these where they would snuggled close and kiss. Or whisper to one another. Or maybe even go beyond that, but they weren't exactly...'there' yet. And what was there? Justin was resisting Kim, and she knew it by now. She knew something was wrong with him. He still had a pain that he was blinded by. "What are you watching?" He asked.

"The Sixth Sense."

"Good movie."

Just to see what he would do, she moved closed to him and put her hand on his leg.

"My favorite part. When the cabinets are all opened up when the mother comes back in the kitchen." He slowly picked up Kim's hand and moved it. It's not that he didn't want her touching him. He just felt uncomfortable. There was nothing that could describe it. Something like fear, but not quite. He was more than happy they were back together, but there was this weirdness about them now.

Having a tense bed was one of the most horrible things a couple could have. Each person not knowing what do do, or say...it was awful. And why were they being this way? Everything was fine, or was it?

Kim wrapped her arms around Justin, and even if he didn't want to hold her she held him. He looked down and met her eyes which were just glued to him. She looked like she was lost. Lost, or searching for something. Her pupils were moving back and forth into his eyes. "Justin, you love me, but you don't love me. I can see it in your eyes."

From what she said his eyes narrowed right before her and is forehead scrunched downward. "Why would you say something like that?" He moved his eyes from her and looked over at the TV, then looked at her again.

"I can see it in your eyes." She repeated in a whisper. "It's been nice having you back for a whole week, but we are different people now, aren't we?" Her eyes became glassy, which meant she was about to cry. "We are different people."

"Honey, no. I'm not a different person. Are you?" He didn't even call her baby girl lately. "Different people? How much can a person change in a month, Kim? Not much."

Her eyes darkened. "Thats not true." She just wanted to yell at him and tell him that he couldn't hold her anymore, he couldn't kiss her. He couldn't do any of those things.

Justin could sense the tears coming and placed his thumb under on of her sparkling eyes. A tear fell against it and he closed his eyes really quick to over come the pain that he felt from seeing it. "I love you." He told her opening his eyes again.

The moment was perfect, the love was there and Kim was waiting for the kiss. His head lowered slightly and then he pushed her away gently. Kim closed her eyes and shook her tears away. "I love you too." Her arm which was around him had moved away some from his push so she removed it all the way. Slowly she moved away from him and took to her side of the bed. She pushed her face against one of the six pillows on the bed and laid down on her stomach. Don't cry Kim. Don't cry. She thought to herself. She raised her arm up and grabbed the tip of the pillow. A striking pain started to rip through her. Similar to the pain she felt when she was having Jade, but worse because it not only stuck her stomach, but her heart. She squeezed the pillow tight just like she did when she was in the hospital. She was hoping the pain would go away but it only grew more strong and worse. She threw the covers back off of her. The pain. It didn't just over take her, it became her. She couldn't help it. She had to scream. 

When Justin heard her scream, at first he thought she was doing it for attention. 

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmyyyygggoooooooooooooooddddd!" She screamed loudly, and just paused with no emotion whatsoever.

Justin went over to her, and the first thing he did was pull her nightgown down, because it had risen up so much it revealed her red lace underwear. He didn't know what just happened but it scared the hell out of him. "Kim?"

She looked around the room. "Yeah...I'm...I'm...yeah...I'm..." She pushed her hair out of her eyes. "I'm fine." She put her covers back over her. "I'm fine. Goodnight, Justin."

"But you were just like..." He put his hand on her shoulder.

Kim pushed it away. "I'M FINE! LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" She closed her eyes and exhaled loudly.

Something happened with her. He didn't even think she knew. He sat back down on his side of the bed, but kept a watch out for her. He looked at her. She had her back to him and she was very quiet, which indicated she was sleeping deeply. He looked at the TV for two seconds and he looked at Kim again. "WHAT THE HELL?" He fell out of the bed and shook. He took his eyes away from her for two seconds and looked back to see she was facing him, but how could that be? She turned that quickly? That wasn't was scared him, what scared him was as soon as her laid eyes on her, her eyes opened. This was too freaky for him. It could have been the movie. He could have been scaring himself. He peeked his head up, and Kim's eyes were closed and she looked as if she was sleeping comfortably. He was most likely scaring himself.

He got back into bed and changed the channel at once. He put the TV on 'Sex In the City' instead. What a night. What a freaky night.

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Justin's eyes cracked open. It was three in the morning and the baby monitor and the noise outside of the room proved Jade was awake. After Kim's fit, she stayed asleep so nothing else strange happened after that. He climbed out of bed and entered Jade's room. "Hey, baby girl. Hey." He held her to his chest and she stopped crying, but began to suck on his shirt. "Aww you poor thing." Kim told him, no matter how tired she was to wake her when it came to feeding Jade. He went back to the room with her. "Kim." He said shaking her with one hand. "Kim, she's hungry." She would NOT budge. "HEY, KIM! GOT MILK?" He shouted. He pulled the strap if her night gown down some so she would get the point. Still she would not move. "KIM, PLEASE WAKE UP!" He put the strap back on her shoulder. "SHE'S HUNGRY, KIM." He tried on last time, still nothing.

He knew it would be heck trying to get her up. That is why he came prepared. He snuck some bottles and formula in the house earlier. He carried Jade with him downstairs in the dark. He was very careful with her.

When he entered the kitchen he turned on the light and placed Jade more on his shoulder so he could make the bottle and still hold her. He took a bottle from a bag which was under a cabinet. He then took a bottle of formula and shook it up before he opened it. It was already warm so he had no need to heat it up. Once he opened the formula he filled the bottle half way because Jade was so small she could only eat so much.

To keep the milk from spoiling he had to put it in the refrigerator. He put it at the bottom where Kim wouldn't see

He put the top and the nipple on the Evenflow, neck tilted, bottle and then shook it up. He sucked on the bottle to test it. It was fine, the baby milk was just disgusting, to him. "Okay, sweetie. Here you go. Here you go." He put her head down in the crease of his bent arm and put the bottle in her mouth. She did the bottle just as she did Kim. "Thats a good girl." He walked out of the kitchen with her, cutting the light off with his elbow and took her back into her room. He sat down in a chair and rocked her as her fed her. "And I will take you in my arms, and hold you right where you belong. Till the day my life is through, this I promise you. this I promise you." He sung softly to her.

Jade ate for about eight minutes more then she turned her head away and milk spilled out of her mouth. Justin used a blanket to catch it. "Whoops. You've had enough." He put the blanket on his shoulder and then her. He tapped her back as lightly as possible until she was able to burp. Which she did, on top of throwing up. He wiped her mouth and then kissed her. "Okay. Time to go back to sleep." He gently laid the baby on her back and pulled her main comforter up over her. "I love you, Jade." He kissed her on her tiny lips and then stroked her hair back. He reached up and touched his braids. He was fascinated with how she was the exact replica of him. Hair and all.

Jade closed her eyes and began to drift. Justin kissed her one last time, and then joined Kim and went back to bed.

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"JUSTIN, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? A BOTTLE? IN JADES ROOM?" She threw it at him and hit him with it.

His eyes were already open from her shouting, but when he felt the impact of the bottle he jumped out of bed. "What the hell is your problem? WHAT'S THE DEAL, KIM?"

"What did I tell you, Justin? I told you I didn't want her to be bottle fed. DIDN'T I SAY THAT? Where did you get the bottle from?"

He rubbed the area she hit. "Kim, I tried to wake you up, but you WOULDN'T WAKE UP! YOU WOULDN'T! I made the bottle. I had my mom tell me what to get and I brought the stuff over here, because I know you. You never get up when I try to wake you. GOD DAMN you always have to be hitting someone or yelling and screaming before you even know the story. DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO THROW SHIT AT ME OR YELL AT ME SO MUCH?"

"DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO KICK ME OUT OF YOU FUCKING HOUSE SO I COULD RUN HOME TO PARENTS TO GET SHOT BY MY DAD? DO YOU HAVE TO FUCK BRITNEY IN OUR FUCKING BED? HUH, JUSTIN? THERE IS A LOT OF THINGS I HAVE TO DO! AND OBVIOUSLY YOU TOO!"

"I can't believe you just said that to me." He looked like he was about to cry for a second but he sucked up everything and converted it to anger. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT TO ME!" He punched the palm of his hand. "SO YOU ADMIT IT? HE SHOT YOU? ALRIGHT. I'M GOING TO GET HIM ARRESTED FOR THAT!"

She pushed him up agaist the wall and then slapped him in the face. "YOU WON'T TELL ANYONE JACK!"

He groaned. "Don't do this again, Kim. Please don't"

She pushed him again. "YOU AREN'T TELLING ANYONE ANYTHING!"

Jade was crying and they both could hear it. "GET OFF OF ME KIM! GET OFFFFFF!" She kept him pinned against the wall. Justin brushed past her but Kim was slick and she tripped him. She held his shirt to keep him from falling to the ground too hard. She held him to the carpet by his neck. Justin reached back and tried to peel her hand off of him, but she was too strong.

"You can't say anything to anyone. NOTHING, JUSTIN!"

"Jade is crying. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" He was able to pull on her night gown, but that did nothing for him except make them roll around on each other.

Kim ended up on top of Justin and just as she was about to hit him he flipped the over and pinned her arms back. "Justin, ahhhhh! Get off of me. I'm really, really soar." She told him, trying to get her arms free.

"You have got to stop this. I won't tell anyone. I'll do anything to get you to stop. You are not only hurting you and me, but Jade too. And that is not acceptable. Be the good Mom you are. What do we look like in here fighting?" He got off of her and rolled his eyes.

He ran to Jade. "Come here baby girl." He rocked her some and shushed her, hoping she would get over the horror she had to hear. "I'm so sorry about this. Mommy is very violent sometimes. I'm so sorry. We still love you, Jade." She smiled at him and he kissed her. "Yes, we love you very much."

He brought Jade into the master bedroom and placed Jade in the center of the bed with her blanket. Kim tried to hide out in the bathroom. He knocked on the door. "Kim, you want her to have YOUR milk only...then you need to feed her." He tried to turn the knob but the door was locked. "KIM!"

She unlocked the door and opened it. They needed to stop the madness. They needed to just get themselves together and be a family. "Justin...I." He took her and pulled her into a kiss.

It was all Kim wanted from him since she met back up with him. His kiss. His lips on hers. She couldn't contain herself. She back Justin into the corner of the bathroom.

His hands started in her hair. They moved down to her face and he put pressure on her head urging her tongue deeper in his mouth. "I don't want to fight anymore baby." He groaned.

Kim pulled Justin closer to her. Her hand slipped under his shirt and she explored his soft skin with it.

Justin picked Kim up by the waist and sat her on top of the sink. And he couldn't help his hand that wondered to her leg and was riding up it, further and further. Then too far. "Ow. Ow. I can't." She moan in his mouth. "I have five more weeks before I can. I'm not completely healed yet."

His hand rode back down her leg but what she said didn't break the intimacy of the kiss and they continued to kiss...until Justin broke away  from Kim. "OH MY GOD! Jade is on the bed. All by herself." He pulled her off of the sink by her hand and held her hand as he dragged her with him.

The baby was doing nothing more than giggling on the bed and making spit bubbles.

Kim and Justin made eye contact again.


Chapter 23

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