"Thank you very much, Griffin. For shopping with me. I'm so big and new to all of this. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING." She looked at the tons of the bags on the floor and sat down on a couch she was not use to yet. In a quick flash something overwhelmed her and she started to cry. "I cannot believe he would do this to me. I thought he loved me so much. It was all FAKE. It was all a game. It just doesn't make sense."
Griffin sat down next to her, he was afraid to touch her for comfort. "Kim, I don't know why, but I don't think he would hurt you like that. Maybe he didn't know Britney was you or something...Justin would never...be doing things to you like that."
She cried in her hands harder. "WHATEVER! I never heard him moan like that before. NOT WITH ME. He was telling her he loved her...all of this crazy stuff. I just can't take it anymore. I can't believe in a matter of three days I've brought a house got a new car. Do you see how crazy my life is? Everything has always been done too quickly. I HAD TO GROW UP TOO QUICKLY AND NOW THIS. AND NOW THIS. EVERY TIME SOMETHING GREAT HAPPENS TO ME, IT IS TAKEN AWAY AND LOST. EVERY TIME I THINK SOMETHING IS GOING TO LAST, SOMETHING CRAZY HAPPENS! AND I WON'T...I WON'T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE! I'M NOT LIVING LIKE THAT ANYMORE! AND I SWEAR I MADE THE MOVE I DID BECAUSE I'M PUTTING THE STOP TO THE MADNESS, ONCE AND FOR ALL. I WILL NOT...I REPEAT! I WILL NOT EVER live back at Justin's house!"
Finally Griffin put his hand on her back to help calm her. "Kim, if you keep it up, you'll make yourself go into labor."
She pushed him away. "OH NO I WON'T! I'M NOT STRESSING ANYMORE! I AM SO OVER JUSTIN ALREADY!" She lied.
"No you aren't Kim, don't lie. If you were over him, why are you shouting?"
"Okay, maybe I'm not over him. I just can't believe what happened. My God...right in the bed I slept in."
Griffin coughed. "Um... maybe they weren't doing what you are thinking."
Her extra tan face was trying to turn red and she sniffled. "Oh, I know what I saw. HE WAS MOANING. Ohhhh baby, my ass. Oh it was disgusting. Makes my fucking stomach turn. Oops I didn't mean to say that. Sorry, baby girl."
He thought if he changed the subject he would make her feel somewhat better. "That's funny how you were thinking the baby was a boy, and bought all of that boy stuff and it turned out it's a girl. That is just freaky, and sad too."
"Yeah." She agreed laughing off some of her angered tears.
"So, Kim. Do you think I should wear the orange sweater to my date with Calia, or the black one with the shiny things going down the front of it?"
Kim hiccupped. "The black one. You have a nice body. It will show off your really built upper chest."
Griffin hurriedly grabbed Kim a bottled water from the groceries they just brought. "Here. Have some water. And thanks for the compliment."
She hiccupped several more times then twisted the cap off of the water. She took a sip and wiped her mouth. "Thank you. You know you are so sweet? Just like...Justin. You remind me so much of him. Oh, that's right you have a way nicer ass than him. Justin has no ass because he is so skinny."
He raised his eyebrow. "Okay, what just happened here? It seems like you are...hitting on me, Kim."
"I'm not hitting on you." She took another sip of the water. "Even now, I don't think of you anything more than a friend. I was just being honest. Thank you for being a good friend." She thought as she sucked some more water into her mouth. "WHAT DID SHE HAVE THAT I DIDN'T? MAYBE HE JUST WANTED BIGGER!" Her voice softened. "I know that I am smaller than her and I know that I am very skinny, but I was blessed with the curves. I don't know what it was that made him cheat on me..."
Griffin took it upon himself to sit next to her. "Listen to yourself. Nothing is wrong with you. Don't compare yourself to her. I'm just as confused as you though. You are the most beautiful thing I've ever saw. Britney can't compare to you in any way, inside or out. Your a gorgeous person all around. I really mean that. Why would Justin cheat on you? It doesn't make sense. IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. The look in his eyes when he's around you. He loves you to death, I'm so confused."
"Griffin, don't sit here and baby me. You have to get ready for your date with Calia. Tell her I said hi."
"But Kim, if you need a shoulder to cry on I don't want to leave you. You shouldn't be in this huge house all by yourself. Your eight months pregnant you need someone to take care of you. YOU should be staying off of your feet."
She switched her head at him. "Please go. I NEED TIME TO MYSELF!"
"Okay...okay. I'm going. I'm going. By the way, your house kicks ass. It's way nicer than mine.".
Kim stared at a white wall. The entire room was plain. White and nothing more. She looked down at the container of blue paint she had in her hand, it reading 'nontoxic' in bold letters. She dipped a brush in the paint and began panting on the wall. She was painting a cloud.
One talent Kim had, that she didn't put to use was painting. She was good at it, but never took the gift and ran with it. What she was doing was creating the baby's room from scratch. Her initial plan was to create a beautiful wonderland on the wall, and write a fairy-tale-like story to go on it. It would be the opposite reflection of her life. It was the life she was going to make sure her baby had...a dream come true.
The more she thought of Justin and Britney the more ugly the cloud she was making became. She began to paint harder and harder. "No, Justin...why, Justin?" Her mind blanked out and she could feel her hand being carried. She was unwillingly writing something on the wall with the paint. Her mind reacted with something and she had no control whatsoever of what she was doing.
When her hand stopped, her mind regained sanity. She gasped for air, when she looked at what she wrote. "Jade?" She stepped away. It was the most freaky thing she ever did, and she was scaring herself. "Jade? Where did Jade come from?" She looked around the room. She was already crying tears from her thoughts. "Jade?"
"Just so you will know I ordered all this stuff weeks ago, but anyway. There is this woman in Italy known as Jade. And Jade is a woman that everyone respects...you know they treat her as if she is a queen or something. She is known for so many positive things, but most of all, she is know for her angles. She makes these angles that people would die to get. They are said to have like a spiritual good luck..."
She looked down at her stomach. "Are you trying to tell me something, baby girl? Jade? Is that what you want your name to be? She pulled up her shirt to get a closer look of her stomach, seconds later she could see either a foot or a hand trying to break through her. She was crying tears of joy. "Oh okay...Jade. What a weird way of telling me, but okay."
Whatever happened, it must have been a sign, so she accepted it. And if it wasn't a sign and just some strange coincidence, it gave her false security and she felt better. She knew she had messed the wall up with the word Jade written across it, but things didn't look so bad...or did they? She knew some white paint would do the job to fix the wall. She continued painting at the cloud she started. "I'm doing this for you, Jade. You will never have to suffer more than you already have, okay?" After she finished speaking she laughed at the baby poking body parts out of her stomach.
April 28, 2000
Justin was miserable. He was lost in his own world. He had fell into the deepest depression, possible. He was so depressed that he lost his common sense and everything thing else between that. It had been two weeks since Kim left and he kept convincing himself she would be back tomorrow. He was sick and wasn't eating, he wasn't sleeping and had huge purple dips under his eyes. He felt a hundred times worse than he looked, and he looked exactly like...he looked bad.
"I checked the house, once again Justin. No sign of her whatsoever." JC threw his house keys on the kitchen table, to give them back to him. "Justin..." He was not responding to him. "JUSTIN? JUSTIN!"
"What? What, MAN? I heard what you said." He looked at his hands. "I HEARD YOU, ALRIGHT?"
JC moved a bowl of dry cereal over to him. "Justin, EAT something. You aren't helping the situation by starving yourself. Hurting yourself is not going to bring her back. EAT SOMETHING, JUSTIN."
Justin started to breath more quickly. "I'm not eating this." He moved the cereal aside.
JC put it back near him. "EAT IT, MAN. It's your favorite, 'Captain Crunch'. Justin, your a wreck. You have to do something about this. And the news about Britney getting arrested at your house is getting worse. People are lined up outside of your house just looking at it. People are wondering what's going on. Justin, you have got to move on, man. She ain't coming back. Your losing weight. You need to start eating again. Your starting to scare me."
He stood up in protest and knocked the bowl on the floor and broke it. "I'M NOT EATING THAT SHIT! EVERYTHING IS FIIIIINNNNNNEEEE! PEACHY! GOT IT, JC? Who are you to say she's not coming back. WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT? DON'T YOU THINK I HAVE FAITH? YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU, JC!"
"I'm just trying to help you, Justin. You need to see a doctor about this. Your starting to FREAK THE FUCK OUT!"
He sat back down and clutched his hand into a fist. "I'M OKAY, JC. HOW MANY TIME DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT? HOW MANY DAMN TIMES? CAN YOU GIVE ME A NUMBER PLEASE?"
He shook his head, he didn't want to fight with Justin anymore. "Anyone can look at you and see that you are NOT okay...but whatever, man. It's your life." Justin turned and started him in the eyes. JC could tell that Justin's eye's had lightened up some, from the lack of nourishment.
Chris entered the kitchen. "Hey, Justin. Take a look at this. Kim on the cover of US magazine. I thought it would make your day. If you look on page sixty-eight, you'll just die man. She's so hot. Still I cannot believe she was five months pregnant back then. She looks more like five years older than her age now." Chris didn't realize his rambling had made Justin drop to the lowest level he possibly could.
He couldn't even look at it. "No. I don't want to look. NO!" He knocked the magazine on the floor. He crossed his arms then put his head down and cried.
JC pushed Chris. "Good going champ. You made him feel worse."
He shrugged. "I was just trying to help." He put his hand on Justin's stiff shoulder. "Justin, we need to take you to a psychiatrist. You need to talk with someone, because I can't see you like this anymore. I know you told me not to say anything to your Mom, but maybe you should talk with her. Oh never mind, that's right she's in the Bahamas. Come on. Cheer up, man. The game is coming on. I just ordered a pizza, your favorite kind too. Lets have a good time, Justin. Okay? I mean, your not even eating. That's worrisome."
Justin used much of his strength to pull his head up. "Okay, pizza? Sounds great." He stood up and almost fell. JC had brought him some clothes to wear, because he refused to go back to his house. His jeans were hanging off of him. He was already skinny, and now he was even more thin since he had lost weight. Depressed wasn't such a good word to describe him. He was no longer Justin Timberlake, the person everyone once knew. Justin was gone. "I'll be back. Tell me when the food is here. COME AND GET ME! DON'T FORGET!" He faked smiled and acted as if he was excited about the pizza coming, when he wasn't.
Justin dragged his feet up the stairs, he had grown use them by now. He never thought he would be so miserable. He didn't know it was coming. He didn't know that somehow his picture perfect life would turn into a Freddy Kruger nightmare. He couldn't image life without her. Kim was the one thing he needed. And in a snap she was gone. He was innocent and yet he blamed himself because there might have been something he could have done to stop her from leaving. He wondered about her so much. He wondered if she was as hurt as he was. She couldn't be. She was probably angry because she only 'saw' and didn't 'hear' what happened. She didn't 'hear' his side of the story at least. He couldn't blame her though, because if the situation was flipped he would be upset, just as he assumed she was.
She was gone...and finally. He felt it. He felt the emptiness. He felt the bottomless pit of sadness that took up space in his stomach.
He made it into the bathroom. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he didn't know who he was. He didn't know what he had become. He closed his eyes as her shouting voice started to haunt him. "I'm innocent." He whispered. He couldn't take anymore. His body was flooded with this pain that was killing him. "Oh God, stop it! STTTTTOOOOPPPP!" Some pain he didn't understand was eating at his body, and it was so painful it was taking his breath away. It was over. He was through, he was going to get rid of the pain forever. He had to he end the pain. He had to. It was the only way he now felt he would be free. Besides, deep down inside he knew she wasn't coming back to him, and his baby either. Life without her wasn't worth living, so he didn't want to live anymore.
From under the sink he took two bottles of pain killers. He used a water glass and filled it to the top with water. He didn't hesitate swallowing a whole bottle of pills, and then he started to swallow down the second bottle.
"Hey Justin, you told me to come and get you when the...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Chris slapped the last remaining pill out of his hand. He stole the empty bottles and glanced at them. "Oh my God, Justin...you've overdosed? YOUR TRYING TO COMMIT SUICIDE?"
Justin was becoming dizzy and disoriented. He had taken two full bottles of medication and he hadn't really eaten anything in days, so his body was already reacting to the medication.
"What the...? OH MY GOD! MY GOD!"
Justin's eyes started to roll around sleepily. "She should of let me explain. If she did, it wouldn't have to be this way.
Chris held Justin tight and pulled him near to the toilet. "THROW UP! THROW THEM UP...DAMMIT!" For the first time since the death of his father Chris was crying. He pushed Justin's head down and was trying his hardest tom make him throw the overwhelming amount of medication, up.
Justin was resisting him and was refusing to move his head over the toilet, he could feel himself fading though. The pain seemed to be going way. "Get off of me, Chris. Go away. I don't wanna hurt anymore. GO AWAY!"
Chris was much stronger and gripped him tight. "DON'T DO THIS, MAN. DON'T DO THIS. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE? YOUR FANS? YOUR CHILD AND KIM?"
"What about all of that..." He was growing so weak and struggling with Chris was making him weaker.
Chris didn't want to do it, but to save his dear friend, he had to, and forced his mouth open in an 'o' shape and he stuck his finger down Justin's throat.
He gagged violently and finally started to vomit. The contents in his stomach was practically pure pills.
"That's it. Get it all out. All the people that love you and your trying to kill yourself? Don't be so fucking stupid!" Chris held Justin's stomach and squeezed it to help him vomit. "Please, throw it all up." Just when he thought he was making some progress. Justin had a shivering fit. His starving body had absorbed some of the medication already, he found Justin a little too late. "OH GOD!?" Chris laid Justin on his back against the bathroom floor. "Justin?" He was panicking. "JJJJJJJJJJJJCCCCCCCCCCCC!" It was the loudest he had ever shouted.
A tear escaped out of Justin eye. "Let me die." He reached back and tugged on Chris' shirt with a crushing smile. "Just..." His voice was muffled by his shaking. "Just let me go, Chris." He tried to fight his consciousness to say one last thing. "I..." He started to making chocking sounds. "I...will be...happy...if...you...let...me...die." His shaking turning into more of a seizure-effect. More tears fell freely down his face and he tried to smile with a closed mouth.. "Please, Chris. I...love...you...man." His body was overwhelmed and he lost consciousness and stopped shivering, all at once.
JC came running into the bathroom. When he saw Justin laying on the floor and Chris crying, he freaked. "Ohhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyy Goooooood. What the hell is going on? What is going ONNNNNNN?"
Chris picked Justin's head. "I don't know what he did man. I know he took down at least two bottles of pain killers." JC picked up the empty bottles and stared at them. He was already trembling and crying but he broke down more.
Both of them stopped and looked Justin in the face when he started making strange noises with his mouth. His eyes were closed and what scared them even more was, a white foamy substance that began bubbling from his mouth.
Chris pulled one of his eyelids back and saw nothing but the whiteness of his originally blue eyes. "JC, call 911 quick. He's dying. He's...he's dying. He said let him die. NEVER! "
JC was never more frightened in his entire life. He was so scared he froze in place from complete shock. He couldn't do anything more except cry.
"JC CALL 911! CALL THEM NOW. HE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH TIME!" JC ran to get the phone. Chris looked at Justin and rubbed his face. "You can't leave us. Too many people love you. You can't. YOU CAN'T" He was losing his color and more of the foam started to come out of his mouth. He started to gurgle. "Oh Justin, what have you done to yourself? I told you to move on. She's not worth all of this."
JC re-entered the bathroom with the phone to his ear. "Yes, he took maybe two bottles...did he vomit?" JC took the phone from his ear and wiped his bleeding eyes. "Chris did he vomit any?"
He put the phone back to his ear. "Yes he did...right now he's unconscious...God help us, he has this white stuff coming from his mouth. PLEASE SEND THEM HERE QUICK?" JC dropped the phone and watched as Justin's body shook. They were really loosing him. "Chris is he...he's seizuring?" Justin eyelids suddenly popped open but his eyes balls were rearing back and fourth repeatedly.
Chris knew and JC both knew, the ambulance would not get to them in time. "We have to take him to the hospital ourselves. HE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH TIME. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU DUMMY YOU, JUSTIN? WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER THINK OF THIS? YOU CAN'T LEAVE US! NOT LIKE THIS!" Chris shouted desperately as him and JC brought Justin out to the car. JC stayed in the back seat with Justin, while Chris drove.
Justin's breaths were becoming smaller and less. He needed emergency attention urgently. "Justin, just hold on okay? Don't give up. You never gave up on anything, don't give up on life now. You have so much to live for." JC looked at Justin as he spoke and studied his twitching figure. "Chris, he starting to throw up all over your seat."
"Good, turn him on his side so he won't inhale any of it."
JC did as he said and shook his head. "He's not looking good man. If he throwing up and doesn't realize he throwing up...what if he dies?" He normally would be throwing up, especially since he had throw up on him from Justin. Fear proves it can make people do things they never thought they could.
Chris gave JC a bone chilling stare from the mirror. "He's NOT going to die. Justin wouldn't do that to us." He drove faster.
As soon as Chris said his words JC couldn't see Justin's chest rise and fall. He wouldn't take his eyes from his chest until he could see slight movement, but it wasn't much. He was barely breathing, a horrible sign. "Chris, speed up...he's turning blue now."
A car ride which was less than ten minutes long seemed to be hours long. Chris pulled into the wrong entrance of the hospital on purpose. He arrived at the area ambulances were suppose to. He didn't care if the car was still running. He ran up to the first attendant he saw. He tried his best to calm down. "My friend...he has overdosed and he can't breath and is throwing up and I need help for him. Someone needs to help him." He was pleading for dear life.
"Okay sir, calm down, where is he now? Show me where he is." Chris showed him to the car and opened the side door where JC and Justin were.
The man looked at Justin for a split second and didn't need anymore information. He used a radio that was clipped to the side of him and called for some assistance. "What happened you say? He overdosed?" He could see Justin had vomited everywhere. Chris nodded. "Yeah, he does look like he's been poisoned. He doesn't even look like he's breathing. Look at his color! OH MY! HURRY! HURRY!" The man signaled to some people.
Three people with a stretcher took over the situation. They pulled Justin out of the car and laid him on it. With their glove covered hands they ripped his shirt down the middle and were immediately caring for him.
Chris cringed when then stuck some long tube-like instrument down his throat. "Please God, save him. Please." He whispered under his breath.
JC revealed himself from the back of the car and was able to catch the last glimpse of Justin as the medical assistants took him off. He looked dead and the sight of him like that and all that had happened made JC ill.
What had just happened was too much for both Chris and JC. Neither of them had been through such drama. Neither of them had ever thought Justin would do something, like try to kill himself.
Chris was trembling and praying. JC was being sick, and a short woman approached them.
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