Chapter 8 - part one
~~~~~~**The Day Before
“If you don’t get your grubby paws off my ham you and I are going to fight,” I yelled at Justin from the kitchen table. He darted around the corner and disappeared into the dining room with a hand full of sliced ham. I shook my head and looked down at Jaden. He was leaning on the table trying to reach Justin’s plate from breakfast this morning.
“Dada,” he said loud and clear as he reached for the plate. I smiled and kissed the back of his curly head.
“Is my boy calling me,” Justin hollered with a deep southern accent. I smiled and turned Jaden around to face me. He stood up in my lap and bounced his knees as I held his waist.
“Yes he is,” I said back. The little boy on my lap is not the same kid that from three months ago. He can stand by himself now and can stand from sitting down. I actually had to give him a hair cut because his hair has grown so much. We are like the cheesiest family ever. All we need is matching sweatshirts that same Timberlake on them. We all have this crazy curly hair, although I think Justin gets the prize for most out of control. But that’s what everyone is liking on him right now and I have to admit he looks sexy as hell with that just out of bed look going on.
“Dada,” Jaden said and touched my face.
“God it feels good to know I was his first word,” I rolled my eyes kissed jaden’s hand that rested on my mouth.
“How do you feel knowing that everything he sees is dada and that just because he said it first doesn’t mean that he knows what it means,” I asked and glanced at his fallen expression.
“Crushed me,” he mumbled. I laughed and jaden looked at me strangely.
“How’s mama’s little man huh,” I said looking in his eyes. he smiled and bounced. “Ahh that’s my baby,” I said and kissed his little button nose. he squealed and bounced some more.
“Look at that I think he wants to follow in our footsteps. He’s got more rhythm then he knows what to do with,” Justin said. Jaden turned around and looked at him. Justin crossed his eyes and hung his tongue out his mouth. Jaden squealed at the stupidness his father displayed. I shook my head.
“Whatever. If that happens I want to be way old and not have the energy to worry about him,” Justin smiled. “When does your dad come in,” I asked.
“Four,” he said and sat back. I nodded. Everyone is having dinner at our house tomorrow. Both of Justin’s parents and their significant others. My mom and little sister. Then Friday I’m having treatment and Justin is going out with the guys at night for something. I don’t really remember. “You think Steven will be alright with Jaden,” he asked quietly. I looked down at our son and smiled at his bright eyes.
“Of course he will. Steven is a sweet kid and Jaden hardly makes a peep so it will be fine,” I said and rubbed my nose against his little one. He laughed and plopped down in my lap. I smiled and looked back at Justin. “I need to go and make the beds up,” I said softly. Justin shook his head no and smiled. “Oh please tell me you didn’t,” I said. He grinned even more then he already was. I shook my head and leaned back in the chair. Justin was one of those kids that had to make his bed but never learned how to do it right. probably because he was never around long enough to get it down. But now he’s trying to be all domestic and I am constantly going back and doing it over.
“I did good this time,” he said and smiled. I shook my head again and didn’t say anything. “I promise,” I nodded and looked over at the spices and stuff sitting on the counter waiting to be used. “Will you say something,” he asked. I smiled and looked over at him.
“Dress jaden,” I asked. He glared at me. “Ok ok you are the best husband for taking over and cleaning this extra large house that I could never handle by myself. Oh how I sing your praises my king and almighty love who I’ve devoted my life too,” I said in a monotone voice. He laughed and took Jaden out my lap.
“Well at least you know,” he said and walked away. I shook my head and stood up. My white halter top snuck up a little bit as I stretched my arms above my head. I caught myself looking down at the scar that was down the center of my abdomen. It wasn’t ugly like I thought it was going to be. it was a straight line that blended in with the ripples of my muscular stomach. Although the doctors told me not to work out while I was doing my chemo I had to be a little disobedient. Come on I’m human. So I did some sit ups and stuff like that and the scar just kind of blends in and that makes me happy. I’m not as self conscience about it as I used to be. I sighed loudly and pulled the shirt down as I earned down and grabbed a bowl from under the counter. I turned around and flipped on the radio. Some old mixed CD from my collection blasted and the Pink song called Most Girls blared. I danced around the kitchen and as I started throwing stuff together to make this pasta stuff that Justin had requested for Thanksgiving dinner.
“Most girls want a man with the bling bling,” I sang along with the song and stirred it up. I nodded my head and lip sang with the record like I was doing some video shot in the kitchen.
“Shake it fast show me what you’re working with,” I jumped and glared at Justin. He grinned. I turned around and pressed the pause button.
“Do you think it’s cute to see me jump,” i asked as I put water in a pot.
“I certainly do,” he said. I could just tell that he had some smug grin on his face. I turned and looked at him and I was right. I rolled my eyes as the buzzer for the gate sounded. He reached over and pressed the speaker button. “Yep,” he said. How is that a way to answer? I swear if I didn’t love him so much I would think he is the most obnoxious person on the face of the Earth.
“Justin what’s up,” I almost dropped my pot at the sound of Britney’s voice.
“Oh just let me get through the day with out a pile of blond weave on the floor,” Justin laughed and pressed the speaker.
“What’s up Brit. You just felt like dropping by,” he asked. I dropped the pot on the eye of the stove and flipped the heat on.
“Yeah is that ok? I hope you’re not busy,” she said sweetly. Sweet my ass! Ok so I lied about liking her a little bit. But HELLO she’s all about Justin and it’s obvious. I have no problem blowing it off when it’s about the telephone and stuff but showing up at my house. That’s extreme and I don’t go well with extreme.
“Not really,” he said softly.
“Let her in. What is she going to do in my house anyway,” I said as I opened the oven and put the ham back inside.
“Come on,” Justin said and pressed the button. I rolled my eyes and walked to the refrigerator and opened it wide searching for something. “You aren’t mad are you,” he asked quietly. I smiled and looked over at him with a huge Kool-aid grin.
“What would make you think that,” I said. he laughed and shook his head.
“Please baby be a little more faker,” he said as the doorbell rang. I smiled as he walked out the kitchen.
“Hey Justin. You’re looking good,” I pushed the door closed and walked to the doorway and looked out. She would have on a headband for a shirt and some circulation stopping jeans. She looked at me and smiled. “Hey Cameron. Wow you look so good today. i’m happy that you are feeling better. Justin is always telling me about your bad days,” I could run head first into a wall but instead I plastered on a smile.
“Well i’m glad he’s got you to talk to. Excuse me I have some cooking to do for tomorrow,” she nodded and I walked back into the kitchen. I pressed the forward button on the CD player and pressed the play button. I smiled as the beginning to that old song from that unheard of group now called Nightmare or Dream or something blasted out across the kitchen. I turned it up loud and twisted around as I started throwing different spices and salts into a bowl. I couldn’t help but grin it was perfect. “You’re pulling petals off a flower trying to get your way. keep pulling til it says what you want to say. Girl you can pick a field full of daisies. But he’ll still be my baby. I know you can hardly wait til I’m away from him. Instinctively i know what you’re thinking. You’ll be giving him an open invitation but my baby won’t be checking in,” I sang as loud as i could as i cracked noodles up in the boiling water. “No chains to unlock so free to do what he wants. He’s in to what he’s got. He loves me, he loves you not. No matter what you do he’s never going to be with you. He’s in to what he’s got. he loves me, he loves you not,” I sang accenting the loves you not part. the kitchen door swung open and I turned and looked at Justin. His mouth was wide open and his eyes were huge. i reached over and pressed the pause button. “Is there a problem,” I asked sweetly.
“Is there a problem,” he said like he couldn't believe what I was saying. “Cameron britney’s gone,” he said. I raised my eyebrows.
“Why,” I exclaimed.
“She thinks you hate her,” I put my hand over my heart.
“Me,” I asked. He walked towards me.
“He Loves You Not? And that’s not hate,” he asked. I turned back towards my pot.
“Hate is such a strong word,” I said quietly.
“What the hell was that Camy,” he asked.
“I swear I didn’t plan it. I was just letting the CD play out. I’m sorry if it offended her but then again I’m not. She needs a reality check and if I had anything to do with one then that’s good,” I said as I stirred. Justin shook his head and headed towards the door.
“That was mean Cameron and you know it,” he said and left. I rolled my eyes. He would ave done the same thing. Maybe it was childish but she got the point this time and she better get up off my man.
“I was thinking about getting TV’s put in the back seat but Cameron thinks that’s horrible so I don’t know yet,” Justin said sitting on the couch talking to his Dad and step mom. I smiled and leaned down placing Jaden in his little walker. he slowly started rolling across the room. I watched him roll across the room and just was in awe that he was my baby. Sometimes I forget that he’s mine. That he’s Justin and I, that together we created that beautiful little boy.
“Camy,” I looked up surprised that someone called my name. I looked at Lisa and smiled. “How’s everything going,” I crossed my legs and sighed.
“Um well I’m half way through and they’ve changed the combination of drugs so I don’t get sick like I used to. So it’s good, it’s getting good. I’m doing what I want to do. I’m being a mommy and spending time with Justin. And I think this was God’s way of saying take a break. It’s a little scary but it was His way,” she nodded. I glanced at Jaden and he was heading out the living room. I popped up and turned him around. He looked up at me and smiled.
“Dada,” he said and pointed up. I smiled and kissed his little nose.
“Mama,” I said quietly and walked with him until he was in position that I could see him. I walked back over to the chair and sat down. I looked over at Justin and he was talking with his dad. I smiled and looked down. i felt bad about the Britney thing now. Not that it happened or that I was apart of it but that I had hurt her feelings. I feel bad about that but you can’t live in the past can you. The doorbell rang. I looked at Justin and popped up. I pulled open the door and smiled at my sister and my mom. “Hey,” I said hugging Haley. She smiled and hugged me back and then walked into the house. My mom reached up and touched my curly hair.
“It looks good,” she said quietly as she stepped in the house. I nodded and looked down at my feet. She closed the door and wrapped her arms around me tightly. “How you doing,” she asked softly in my ear.
“I’m good mommy,” I said with my head on her shoulder. She kissed my forehead softly and pulled back. She twisted the straps on my yellow sun dress and sighed.
“You look good baby,” she said. I smiled and turned looking at Haley. She was sitting in Justin’s lap talking to him about the plane ride and i smiled. This is all I need, just my family.
~~~~~~~**Later that Night**~~~~~~~~
I rubbed my fingers on my scalp and closed my eyes. My hair was thinning but you couldn’t tell because f the fullness of the thick curls. I sighed and dropped my arms down by my body and stared at my reflection. I wasn’t the same anymore. You could see it in my eyes and I shut my eyes tight not wanting to admit it to myself. I turned quickly and headed back into the bedroom and looked at Justin. he was propped up on his pillows watching the TV quietly. I don’t know if he’s still upset about me and the whole Britney thing but I can’t be worried about that right now. I sat down on the edge of the bed and opened my pills and popped them in my mouth. I swallowed them with a gulp of water and sat the glass down softly. I looked out the window at the bright moon and smiled weakly. The night was so pretty. Three months ago i would have turned to Justin and begged him to take a walk with me but times had changed and that no longer was an option. I closed my eyes and turned in the bed. I snuggled up in the covers and put my head on the pillow. I looked at Justin and he was still staring at the TV.
“Whatcha watching,” I said quietly. He sighed and reached over rubbing my bare shoulder softly.
“A bad movie on HBO,” he said quietly and looked over at me. I smiled and nodded. “You really sleepy,” he asked. I shook my head no. He reached for my hand and pulled me towards him. I climbed between his legs and rested on his chest. I felt his lips on the top of my head and I snuggled up in his arms.
“I’m going to call Britney,” I said quietly.
“I knew you would,” he whispered and kissed my shoulder.
“I feel horrible about hurting her feelings. Not about me doing what I did but about her being hurt over it,” I said. He pushed down the strap on my shoulder and kissed it softly again running his fingers over my skin like he was testing if I was real or not.
“I understand baby. I would do the same thing,” he muttered as he kissed my neck softly. I rolled my head around and looked back at him.
“You love me,” I asked and smiled.
“Always,” I nodded as he leaned down towards my lips.
“Good,” I whispered. He smiled and kissed my lips softly. I love this!!!!
~~~~~~~~**Day After Thanksgiving**~~~~~~~~
I sat at the table and sipped at my chicken broth. Today I had treatment and it messed with my stomach a little but I don’t feel weak at all. It’s either one or the other now a days. So at least it’s not both at the same time like it used to be. I can deal with it and been able to control myself and stay sane. Which is good and makes it so much easier on Justin. Cause I can take care of myself basically although Justin keeps on checking up on me. Right now he's in the backyard with JC talking and watching Jackie and Joey on the Seadoos. I want to ride them so bad. But I can't, I'm too sick right now. I lifted my spoon up and sipped the warm soup and swallowed it. It was warm going down my throat and soothing in my stomach. Justin turned around and scanned the windows for me. He stopped on the kitchen window and smiled. I waved and he nodded his head. I picked up my spoon and took another slurp. This is so boring. You don't know what I'd do for a big plate of pasta or something. I picked up my glass of apple juice and took a swallow. I suddenly wasn't hungry. I stood up and walked up the stairs very slowly. Everything I do is slow. I just can't seem to move very fast anymore. I opened the door and walked in. The sun was beaming through the open balcony door and the wind was blowing the silky beige drapes. I climbed into the bed and picked up Justin's remote to his sound system. I pressed the play button and a soothing jazz song came on. I smiled and walked into the bathroom and started running water in the bathtub. It filled up pretty quickly and I dropped in some bubble bath that smelled like strawberries. My favorite scent. I slipped off all my clothes and climbed in the extra warm water and sank down in the water. I hit the button and the jets came on. I put my head back and closed my eyes smiling like I had a secret that I didn't want to tell. Everything was just so quiet and calm. Just what I want. I heard a door open and close quietly but I didn't open my eyes.
"Hey gorgeous," Justin said quietly. I rolled my head to the side and opened my eyes slowly. He didn't have on a shirt and his hair was a little damp.
"Hey sexy man. What have you been doing," I mumbled.
"They threw me in the pool," he said. I smiled weakly and closed my eyes.
"You should get out those wet clothes. You don't want to get sick sweetie since you like it so cold," I said. He laughed.
"I don't like it cold,"
"Ha the thermostat was on forty," I said. He rubbed his hand on my arm and his simple touch sent a shock through my body.
"I'll turn it up for you," he said and kissed my shoulder.
"Don't worry I already did," I said and looked at him. He smiled and stood up pulling off his boxers. I looked straight ahead and covered my eyes. Sure I've seen Justin and everything but not like this. "What in the world are you doing," I asked. He stepped in the tub and sat down.
"You can open your eyes now," he said pulling my hand down. I looked at him through my one eye. His tan skin was shinning back at me and his toned, lean body looked so powerful and irresistible in the water. "I'm taking a bath with you. Whew you like your water hot," he said and moved getting a little more comfortable. I smiled and put my head back again closing my eyes. I was almost back in the state I was before he came in when he picked up my little foot and began massaging it softly. I rolled my head to the side and smiled.
"Have I said you are too good to me," I asked quietly.
"Yeah about fifteen minutes ago," he said still rubbing my foot.
"Well then it's time. You are way to good to me baby," I mumbled and opened my eyes. He pressed his lips against the bottom of my foot and rubbed his hand down my smooth leg.
"When was the last time I said how unbelievably gorgeous you are," he asked kissing my leg and ankle. I smiled.
"Oh about two minutes ago," I said.
"Well then it's time I say it again," he said rubbing my calm gently. "How you feeling," he asked.
"Alright," I said and smiled.
"Good enough to come over here and give me a kiss," he asked.
"Maybe," I said at bit at my lip. He chuckled.
"Maybe. That's a yes in my book," he said and pulled me gently by my leg towards him. I laughed as I slid across the bottom of the tub. I reached Justin and he rubbed his hands down my back. "You are so perfect," he said quietly.
"Oh come on Justin I've been throwing up all day," I said smiling.
"So you are still so perfect. Your little hands," he said and picked up my hand. "This little waist," he said and wrapped his hands around my waist.
"Your little feet," he said and tickled them. I laughed and rolled my head to the side. "These cute little ears," he said and leaned over kissing my ear. I closed my eyes smiling. "Your smooth lips," he said dragging his finger over my lip. "Perfect," he said leaning in finally kissing me. I smiled and kissed him back. There was a knock at the bedroom door then it opened.
"Yo Justin telephone," Joey yelled in.
"Take a message," he called back and leaned in kissing my neck softly.
"The man said it's urgent," Joey said. Justin traced my neck with his tongue and I wrapped my arms around his warm body wanting more.
"I'm busy right now," he said then went back to sucking my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair and held him close to my body.
"It's Jim something calling about Christmas," Joey said. Justin dropped his head on my shoulder and sighed.
"I'll be right back," he said and spun around standing up. I couldn't help but look at his butt. It was nice and firm and just wow. "I see you checking out my ass," he said and grabbed a towel.
"I was not," I said and moved back. He wrapped the towel around his waist.
"Yes you were sweetie. It's ok though I check yours out at least forty times a day," he said.
"I wasn't looking at your ass Justin," I said defensively. I don't know why I won’t just say that I was but I don't like him pointing it out.
Chapter 8 Part 2
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