************ Justin ************
I stared out the window at the fluffy clouds. A month ago I was siked to come up here and get this dog but now it just doesn’t seem right. I don’t feel like I should be in a plane leaving home with Cameron sick. Sure there are people with her but it’s not the same. I understand her and she understands me. I might not know what her pain is like but I can read her like a book and that fact makes me not want to be two steps away from her for fear that something will happen and no one will know what to do. I looked at jaden in my arms and smiled at him He made everything ok. At first I was going to leave him at home but I needed him. I had to have him with me. I’ve never been the type of person that needed someone. Not until I met Cameron. She has some type of weird hold on me. like without her I can’t live. I guess I just feel like jaden is an extension of Cameron and having him with me allows me to have part of her with me. But recently it’s gotten worse. I have to take jaden. Even if I’m just walking down th e sidewalk to get the mail I have to have him there. I crave his existence and that’s strange to me. I don’t understand it but maybe it’s not for me to understand. Maybe this is a way for me to get to know my son in a way I would never get to before. He was my little angel and I needed him. I’ve become some cheesy dad too. Like today we are actually dressed alike. We have on Gap sweat suits and matching toboggans. Cameron busted out laughing when she saw us this morning. Her only request was that I didn’t tie a bandana around his head and attempt to make him my little clone twenty four seven. I agreed to that but only because when I tried to put the bandana on him he cried.
“You know how to get there,” Mike asked beside me as we started our decent into Syracuse. I looked at him and smiled.
“Of course I know how to get there,” I said softly. he shook his head and looked down at the Jaden in my arms. he was just looking around calmly as he sucked on his pasey.
“He is such a calm baby,” Mike said. I nodded and smiled.
“Yeah just the opposite of Cameron and me when we were kids. Her mom said that she would fall dramatically on the floor just to get the attention of everyone when she was a baby. Mike laughed.
“Sounds just like her,” I nodded and smiled. I laughed as I thought about something that Cameron did to make me smile. “What,” Mike asked. I laughed a little harder and looked over at him.
“You remember in February when I sprained my ankle doing that video and I couldn’t dance for awhile,” he nodded. “Well I came home and was in the bed sulking and everything. So Cameron came in the room and went directly into the bathroom and when she came out she was dressed in my clothes from head to toe. She had on the bandana and everything,” Mike smiled. I laughed and shook my head remembering the site. “She turned on the song and did the entire dance in front of me. It was so finny because the pants kept on falling off when she jumped and she would have to bend down and pick them back up as she tried to dance. So was so cute,” I said smiling. i laughed and shook my head. “God I had forgotten all about that,” I said softly. mike reached over and rubbed my shoulder.
“Justin you never forget memories. You store them away for times when they come in handy,” he said. I looked up at him and nodded.
“Thanks Socrates. I needed that,” he smiled and sat back. He was right about that. That one little memory kept me smiling the rest of the day.
I looked down in the pin of golden retrievers and smiled. They were all jumping around and happy. I laughed as one jumped and fell back on to the ground. They were all rambunctious and happy.
“Mr. timberlake you are welcome to get in there with them and see which one comes to you,” the lady said. I nodded and stepped over the fence and walked to a secluded area of the pin. The dogs didn’t bother to follow me they were to happy with Mike and the lady. I leaned against the wall and sighed. This could be a long drawn out process. Just then the little dog that jumped and fell looked my way ad his little tail started wagging like crazy before it ran over to me and jumped up on me. I laughed and bent down rubbing his soft fluffy mane. He rested his front two paws on my knees and I rubbed my hand on his head.
“Awe I think I found one,” I said softly. the lady smiled and nodded. He jumped up and fell down causing me to laugh again. “Haha this dog is crazy. I want him,” I said and picked him up in my arms.
“Alright,” the lady said laughing too. I hope Cameron likes it.
I opened the front door and sat the kennel down on the floor and hiked Jaden up higher on my hip. He was asleep and when he was out he was down for the count. I closed the door behind me and walked into the house looking around for Cameron and my mom. The back door was open and I headed through the kitchen and smiled when I saw Cameron wrapped in a blanket and my mom painting her toe nails at the table. She had a white terry clothe hat and hair. HAIR!!!
“Oh my God Camy you got hair,” I exclaimed. She looked over at me and laughed softly with my mom.
“Yeah you’re mom got it for me isn’t it cool,” she said. I walked over to her and touched the end. It looked exactly like her real hair did before she got it cut off. It was long and honey blond. It fell over her shoulders and long pieces were tucked behind her ear.
“You look so amazing,” I said softly. She giggled as I leaned down and kissed her lips softly. I looked down at my mom and she was smiling. “What’s up ma,” I said grinning. She looked at me and smiled.
“What’s up son,” I smiled and walked around sitting down in the chair beside Cameron. I situated Jaden and he took a deep breath as he relaxed on my chest.
“How you doing,” I asked and picked up her little hand. She looked over at me and smiled.
“I’m doing better,” she said. I nodded and kissed her hand softly. “Where’s the dog,” I smiled and kissed her hand again.
“Sleeping in his kennel. He’s crazy baby. I got the stupidness dog they had,” she laughed and shook her head.
“Don’t call it stupid Justin,” my mom said. i looked at her and raised my eyebrows.
“You haven’t seen him in action. If you had you would be agreeing with me,” I said smiling.
“Well why did you get such a crazy dog,” Cameron asked and looked up at me with huge brown eyes. I smiled and leaned down kissing her nose softly.
“Well it fits or family doesn’t,” I asked. She giggled and nodded. “So there you go.”
“You’re such a dork Justin,” she said quietly. I laughed and looked down at my mom.
“Can you do mine next,” I asked in a very famine voice. My mom looked up at me her eyes sparkling.
“Of course. Remember those years when you did paint your fingernails,” she asked. My mouth dropped open as Cameron tilted her head back laughing.
“Is there something you need to tell me baby,” she asked through her laughter. I looked between the two laughing ladies and I was almost speechless.
“No it wasn’t like that. I mean I didn’t really paint my nails. I mean it wasn’t like real nail polish,” I managed to stutter out. Cameron laughed harder at my attempts to explain. “No Camy I used that clear stuff so that,”
“Your nails looked good,” she added before I could say my answer. I closed my eyes and shook my head.
“He used to set in his bed room and listen to Michael Jackson as he carefully painted each nail,” Cameron’s cackle woke up Jaden and he looked around. I kissed the top of his head in an attempt to hide my reddened face. “Awe sexy don’t be ashamed. Embody your femininity,” Cameron said and rubbed her hand in my curls. My mom laughed even harder. I stood up.
“Oh baby don’t leave angry,” my mom yelled after me as I walked in the house. I just shook my head. How embarrassing. To be called out by your own mother in front of your wife. I walked into the kitchen and sat jaden down in his high chair.
“Your mama and grandma can be so mean sometimes,” I said as I pulled out a jar of baby food from the cabinet. “First lesson on dealing with girls. No when to just leave. It’s not worth the humiliation you encounter when you stay,” I looked back at Jaden and it was like he was listening intently to what I was saying. I grinned and approached him with the jar and spoon. “This is the first of many lessons that we will have about girls. Not that I want to start this really early but you need to know the basics just so you can deal with the ladies of this family,” I explained as I pulled a chair up beside him.
“Dada,” he said and reached his hand out for the jar. I nodded and popped it open.
“Take your mom for instance. She’s not like any woman you’ll ever meet. And believe me you’ll meet a lot of women and you can sort them into categories. We’ll go through that later but anyway when I met your mom I was like wow new category. She was just so different then anyone I’ve ever known. I think she’s a lot like my mom and that’s what everyone says you’ll end up marrying so that’s cool. Cause Grandma is cool. Don’t tell her that though with her you should just smile and nod,” I said and scooped out some of the orangy stuff and fed it to him. he chewed it up and opened his mouth wanting more. I proceeded to feed him. “But your mom she can get mad and when that happens just nod and agree. Because it’s not worth it. I’ll admit that I have a temper myself but mommy wow. Just take my warning J,” he squealed. I laughed and nodded. “Yeah you remember that,” I said and laughed.
“Yeah remember that when you and you’re daddy are sharing a room for awhile,” i jumped and turned around looking at Cameron and my mom standing in the doorway. I laughed softly.
“I was just making a joke. No truth to that right J,” I said and looked at my son. he squealed and banged his hands on the table. I smiled and looked back at them. “See,” I said and smiled. cameron shook her head.
“How does it feel to be in the dog house with your mom and wife,” my mom asked as they walked by. “Smile and nod. That’s real nice Justin,” I shook my head and looked at Jaden.
“Lesson number two. You’re always in the wrong with women,” I said quietly.
“I heard that Justin,” Cameron yelled. I dropped my head on the table. Good lord there are too many women in this house.
The fire was blazing in the fire place and the smile on my face would not disappear if I wanted it to. I was happy. happier then I have ever been in a very long time. Justin was sitting on the floor with Jaden watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas and I was trying to keep the camcorder steady as I filmed their “male bonding” as Justin so tenderly described to me earlier. He told me that as much as he loved me I was not to interfere in the session that was vital to the survival of our son. I said he was a crock of shit but obliged and held the camera on them as they played around. Goofing off like only boys could. I have never in my life seen a baby interact with his father the way jaden does with Justin. It was like they were on the exact same wave length. Although jaden is only ten months old it’s almost like he understands what Justin’s saying to him. Because they interact as if Jaden was speaking to him and him to jaden. It was something I didn’t understand, something I probably shouldn’t understand but defi antly something I was jealous of.
“Look at mommy J,” Justin said. i peaked from behind the camera and waved at him. He grinned and slowly pressed up onto his feet. I smiled.
“Oh look at my little man,” I said and made sure the camera was focused on him standing. He laughed and bounced a little bit before falling to the ground. Justin smiled and helped him back up. “Justin,” I whined. He crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue at me. I laughed.
“Just helping baby,” he said and let Jaden go. he looked at me with big eyes and I peered from behind the camera.
“Come here my little prince,” I said and smiled at him. he squealed and before I even realized what was going on he was already walking towards me. “Oh my God Justin,” I said softly as he walked right up to the couch and looked up at me. I clicked the camera off and put it on the table before using all my strength and picking my baby up above my head then holding him against my chest. “That’s my big boy,” I whispered and kissed his head softly. he bounced against me and slapped his hand against my mouth. I laughed and kissed his little fingers.
“Did you get that on tape,” Justin asked. I nodded and looked down at Jaden. He looked so happy. I closed my eyes trying to calm my racing heart. “Cameron you alright,” he said softly. I put my hand over my chest as I took shallow breaths.
“I can’t breathe,” I whispered. Justin snatched jaden away and sat him down on the floor. “I c-can’t,” Justin put his finger over my lips and sat me up straight. Everything was getting fuzzy. My head was spinning in all kinds of directions. Nothing was clear and all of a sudden the world went black.
My hand drug across something soft. It felt almost like a type of cotton and I smiled at the way it felt against my fingertips. It was silky yet mushy like feather pillow. I slowly opened my eyes and gazed around the huge white room. There were beautiful pictures hanging on the wall. portraying simple sunsets yet at the same time they seemed so complex. I slowly sat up feeling like I had been sleeping for ages. My body ached less then ever before and I grinned at the thought. Everything was so peaceful. So dreamlike. I looked down and I was wearing a white dress and hair. Oh man I had hair. Long hair like before except it was like nothing I could have dreamed of. Nothing was like it a dream. The bed that I was sitting on felt so real. So unbelievable real. But then I felt like I was floating. Like my body was soaring somewhere. I giggled at the feeling. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back taking a deep breath. All that was missing was Justin.
“Cameron can you hear me. Cameron can you hear me.” The doctor yelled as he worked on waking up the young girl on his table. never had he lost someone on his table and tonight wasn’t going to be any different. Especially Cameron Snipes, there was no way he was letting her die. He would crack her chest and manually pump her heart until she took a breath.
“Mike she’s gone,” the nurse said beside him. He shook his head and grabbed tools and a defribulator. he quickly gave her petite body a little shock causing her to pop up as if someone had slammed her in the back with a mac truck.
“Vitals,” he yelled.
“None,” the nurse called back. the doctor shook his head.
“Charge,” he yelled. He repeated the action again only this time stronger and she jumped even more. “Vitals,” he yelled.
“Come on Cameron,” he yelled. “Charge,” he repeated the action one final time and she popped up and laid flat on the table. “Vitals,” he said quietly and looked at the machine that was reading a flat line.
“We got a weak pulse,” the nurse yelled. The doctors spirits rose.
“I can work with that,” he said and the emergency room started buzzing again on a mission to save this girls life.
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